SWITCH!: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1008: Opening the show with a Quickfire Challenge in ... Chinatown (Vancouver to be exact). Three Asian chefs in the top five. It's like the producers started this season by saying, "This year ... LET'S GO ASIAN!"

1014: Interesting Quickfire. Contestants and Top Chef masters taking turns working on the same dishes. For the record, THIS is more like it. I know we usually get the celebrity guest chefs involved at this point in the season. But with all the extreme challenges this season, I'm just glad they went back to something that works.

1016: Emeril - "The Chinese sausage was just a little overpowering." (That's what she said.)

1017: Paul stumbles out of the gate, while Sarah meanders a curry dish into a $20,000 quickfire win. It's worth noting that at about 9:59, I told my fiance that Paul was probably gonna eat it just short of the end, clearing the way for Sarah and Lindsay in the final. Or what I would to call ... "The Most Irritating Finale of All Time." Save us, Paul. Prove me wrong.

1022: For the elimination challenge, Lindsay goes back to the halibut, hearkening back to Restaurant Wars when Bev 'lost it' for ol' Linds. I don't get it. Bev's gone. For a second time. Yet the yentering about her persists.

1025: Commercial time. Larry the Cable Guy pushing heartburn meds. This makes sense.

1027: As the chefs begin to prep for the elimination challenge, we see Paul ripping a bucket full of lobsters in half with his bare hands. Meanwhile, I take house spiders out of the house and gently place them on the deck so as not to hurt them. When I grow up, I'm gonna be a chef.

1034: As usual, Paul is nervous about his dish. If this season has taught us anything, a nervous Paul is a recipe for win. Might need to change my vote.

1040: Commercial time. Looks like Bravo's got a new show to push! Follow along with me. See if you can find a theme ...

Affluent housewives. Ghetto, affluent housewives. Realtors to the affluent. Matchmakers to the affluent. Affluent Arabs. I think Bravo caters to affluent. I think.

1045: Challenge is complete and the chefs are at judges table. I had some additional thoughts on who I figured might be going home. Then Sarah started explaining why she deserves to be in the finale and all I could think about was hitting myself with a meat tenderizer.

1048: Commercial time. Plug for 'Watch What Happens Live'. Obviously I like talking about Top Chef. That said, Andy Cohen could be talking Top Chef ... or Kate Upton having a wardrobe malfunction on my doorstep and you still couldn't pay me enough to watch that show.

1054: Quick check on the Cheftestants. I can't believe I haven't mentioned anything about Paul's 3rd grade, Asian kid comb over. In terms of Asian hairdos, I have Paul's look running a close second to Jeremy Lin's 5th grade, center-cut fro. (Bet you didn't think you'd get a JLin reference here did ya?)

1058: Despite my moment of weakness, I'm sticking with my prediction that Paul comes up short.

1059: CURVEBALL! Padma sends Sarah ... to the finale. Saucy minx. Well played.

1100: Aaaaand the nervous nellie worries himself to victory (again). Paul takes the win and the other slot in the finale. Lindsay takes the halibut train outta dodge. Yes, that means I was wrong; however, I'll take responsibility for betting against Paul. If you weren't already aware, I wager about as well as I can dunk. So for any Paul fans, you could say I did you a favor. You're welcome.

1105: Was writing something and I lingered on Bravo too long. Caught the opening of 'Watch What Happens Live' and I nearly blacked out. Anywho, bit of a ho-hum elimination challenge after a fun opening quickfire. I guess you could say the last couple finales have really ruined me going forward, especially the All-Stars finale with Antonia, Mike Isabella, and Richard Blais. Those three seemed to raise the bar and by comparison, this season doesn't come close. Hopefully Sarah and Paul step up with the title on the line.

1111: Punching out, looking forward to next week. Til then, stay thirsty, friends.

Two Outta Four: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1006: Okay, so two of the final four chefs are Asian. Maybe not the two I had anticipated but ... I'll deal.

1007: I'm not sure what it is about being on Top Chef but for some reason, when it gets to four, regardless of the season, the chefs feel compelled to come back with new haircuts.

1010: So the quickfire challenge has our final four cooking ... wait for it ... on ski lifts mountain side gondolas in Whistler. I'm not sure what the ratings have been like this year but these 'extreme' cooking challenges have been way too frequent and nigh unwatchable. Not a fan to say the least. Here's hoping they straighten up their act and get back to actual cooking next season.

1015: It's been 15 minutes and ... Beverly's already annoying while Lindsey screwed the pooch on her dish. Shocker ... ?

1018: Whatever, Lindsey. Enjoy failure in the finale.

1019: A zillion barbeque challenges, countless extreme challenges, free passes to the final two rounds ...  this season has completely confounded me.

1021: Sarah - "Beverly ... is the silent horse." Riiiiiight.

1024: I had a coherent thought two seconds ago ... then the fiance started playing 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now' by Starship. Where am I? What's happening?

1025: Food in ice blocks. Keep on pushing it, a**holes. 

1027: Watching the contestants wail away at the ice blocks reminds me of my childhood ... wailing away at ice blocks, working in a hot dog truck in DC. FYI, Asian parents don't understand the phrase 'child labor laws.'

1032:  You have to love the karma. Paul helps his fellow contestants, takes down the second quickfire and the second seat in the finale. Meanwhile, Sarah is already lining up therapists, in the event she screws the pooch against Bev. Love it.

1038: And for the final challenge? A biathlon.  I want jump off my balcony into a cauldron of scalding hot split pea soup.

1045: If nothing else, the look of absolute anguish on Sarah's face throughout this ep has been worth the price of admission.

1049: Judges' table, deliberation time as we go to commercial. Bravo once again shoves 'Watch What Happens Live' down our throats and adds the ghoulish grill of Lil' Kim into the mix for good measure. I will never watch that 'show'. (And I may not sleep tonight.)

1054: More commercials. I'm sure Ellen Degeneres uses a ton of the stuff but I'm not getting her as a L'Oreal pitch person. Old Navy, Toyota Prius? Maybe. Make-up? Not so much. Stick with Sofia Vergara, thanks.

1057: Moment of truth ... and all I can fixate on is Padma's yellow shirt.

1058: Ugh. Sarah moves on and ups the annoying quotient for the finale.

1101: Wait, what? That was just the semifinal round? A one-on-one finale? What in the crikey hell is going on?

1103: Just a quick word to close this post. I know I've said it ad nauseum but this season has really been a dud. Again, totally flying blind on this season's ratings but I do know the past few seasons have seen a dip in viewership so I can understand a few tweaks. That said, the need to keep things interesting  shouldn't come at the expense of the show's integrity. And I'll leave it at that.

Thanks for playing, kids. Good times watching and writing. I say good day.

Where's That Chowder Place?

I meant to post while on the road for work in Seattle but truth be told, it's been a crazy couple of weeks.

Before I set out for the west coast, my brother mentioned a really good soup spot in downtown Seattle. I neglected to jot it down at the time but something reminded me of it midweek so I decided to text him to get the name. However, instead of texting, he responded with a call. When I saw his name crop up on the phone, I just figured he was REALLY excited about the joint.

Then the conversation went like this ... 

Me. Hey. 
Bro: Hey.
Me. What's up?
Bro: The soup place is Pike Place Chowder.
Me. Sweet. Thanks.
Bro: Oh BTW, I'm at the hospital.  Dad collapsed, maybe passed out. Doctors are checking to see if he might've had a stroke.
Me. ... Oh.

From there, things got a little hazy. Suffice it to say, soup was on the back burner after that.

Two days and a steady stream of updates later, it turned out that dad did indeed have a stroke, albeit a minor one. Luckily, he wasn't alone, and the stroke occurred in a part of his brain that did NOT impair his motor function or his speech. After a battery of tests, and a couple nights of awful hospital food, dad was discharged and sent home. Although it's still early, the 'old man' looks to be on the mend.

This wasn't exactly what I envisioned for my post-Seattle entry but life has an odd way of dictating the stories you tell. In any event, I promise a return to form tomorrow, as Top Chef goes into final four mode, which of course means ... live blog mode. For now, I say adieu.

Cletus with Gloves: UFC on FOX 2 LIVE BLOG

821: Quick word on the choice of analysts. Couture is a 10 on the mic. As for Jon Jones, as a fighter, I'm all in. That said, he has as much charisma as my punching bag. Doesn't help that he was constantly looking at his notes. Considering how Brock came across on UFC on Fox 1, UFC might want to consider NOT employing current fighters as analysts.

825: Chris Weidman vs. Demian Maia - Round 1. Pretty hard round to score so far. Weidman with the crisper strikes but Maia responding well. Very even fight, slight edge to Chris. 10-9 Weidman.

827: It could be the way the mics are set, or the fact that the first round was too close to call. Either way, from what I can tell, this Chicago crowd is straight ass so far.

828: The biggest loss for the UFC in losing Mark Munoz from the card? Not being able to repeat his nickname as 'the Filipino Wrecking Machine' a billion times.

829: Into the 2nd round. Again, even round to this point but Weidman is obviously landing with the lead left. Shocker, this crowd of Chicago dullards is booing.

831: Here's a great drinking game for you kids that are into that kind of thing: For every time Mike Goldberg says 'headkick', consume. You would be surprised how blitzed you get. Really, it's the weirdest quirk about Goldie as a commentator. It's like he's so excited at the notion of someone getting kicked in the head that he can't even muster another word  to describe the action except 'headkick'.

834: 3rd Round. Based on the jabs and the takedowns, I had the 2nd  round narrowly for Weidman. Granted, this hasn't been a very exciting fight but this crowd really blows. The slam by Weidman barely elicited some 'ooohs' from the audience. Just awful.

837: Note to Dana White: Cross Chicago off the list. Forever. Thanks. Can I get a RT?

840: After three, I'll give Maia his token round. Fight could go either way but I've got Weidman 29-28. Winner by Split Decision: Chris Weidman. 

841: LOL @ Bruce Buffer. He called Chris the victor... but pointed at Demian Maia. Classy.

842: Kind of an awkward moment. No customary post fight interview for Weidman. Looked like he was standing around waiting for Joe Rogan to ask him about the bout, maybe ask if he had any shoutouts. Oops.

846: Chael Sonnen gives another great promo. He could use a little more coaching on loving the camera though. CHAEL, WE'RE OVER HERE.

848: Don't know how Fox let's 'Goddamn' slip through in a video package. Amateurish.

855: Chael Sonnen vs Michael Bisping - Round 1. Quick take down by Sonnen after a short exchange. This round should be very telling, in terms of where this fight will take place.

Sidebar - I think someone may have sprayed the audience with adrenaline. They might have a pulse now.

859: After two early takedowns, Bisping is really controlling the position by going to the clinch. Both guys seem to be butting heads quite a bit. Sonnen looks a bit tentative to start. 10-9 Bisping.

901: We have a Brittany Palmer sighting. My night is made.

902: Second round under way.

903: 'Sonnen looks terrible here.' Might be Joe Rogan's best analysis of the night. THIS IS WHY HE GETS THE BIG BUCKS.

905: This fight has been a whole lotta nothing. Sonnen has been largely ineffective after scoring a takedown. Bisping is controlling the pace but it seems like he's just holding position against the cage to guard against the takedown. I'll give it to Chael on the takedown but I really don't want to. 10-9 Sonnen.

908: Someone's going to have to explain to me if/when non-title fights will go five rounds. Not that this fight needs it but it's for the #1 contender-ship. Seems kinda important. Just saying.

909: Third round. Sonnen lands a brutal double leg takedown. Chael quickly takes his back, transitions BEAUT-I-FULLY to a full mount. If he can finish the round this way, it'll leave a lasting impression.

912: Five rounds, Dana. What's up?

913: I've got it 29-28 Sonnen but round 2 is a coinflip in my eyes. How do you score two close rounds and one fairly decisive round?

914: Sidebar - I really hope Fox is in it for the long haul. Three fights on Fox so far and not a single finish. Pray for patience.

915: Winner (and evidently the best fighter in the world) by unanimous decision: Chael Sonnen. I wish I could get a transcript of that post fight 'interview'/ promo.

917: I think someone snuck some quaaludes in Goldie's Snapple. Rogan too for that matter. Neither seem really jazzed for tonight's show but they certainly picked up the energy level talking about next week's pay-per-view. Coincidence?

922: Talking up the Davis - Evans contest and they showed a list of top 10 light heavyweights. Forest Griffin is still listed in the top 10. That should tell you all you need to know about the rankings.

923: I know the UFC is fighting to steer clear of pro wrestling at all costs. That said, they could really benefit by having the WWE produce their video packages. Wake me when the fight starts.

930: So much for hearing about Phil Davis. Oh well, on to the fight.

931: It's hilarious that Bones and Rashad are 'beefing'. Their personalities are almost exactly the same. Every 'clever' comment they make seems totally forced. In fact, nothing they say comes across as authentic. I hope you recognize this, Dana.

936: I'm curious if Rashad is really as relaxed as he seems. I wonder how quickly he'll get off (pause) against the younger guy in Davis.

940: A pro-Rashad crowd. But not by much. This crowd can suck it.

941: Rashad Evans vs Phil Davis - Round 1. Davis is moving well so far, showing now sign of rust but not much going on. Lots of feeling out.

945: Evans catches one of many kicks from Phil, keeps the single and sweeps to land the takedown. Davis in trouble, fighting out of a crucifix position. Phil frees himself but the damage is done. Solid round for Sugar. Unfortunately. 10-9 Evans.

947: It's almost 10 and we've yet to see an ounce of 'the beautiful Arianny'. I call foul.

948: Into round 2. Davis looks more active standing but he's struggling to use his reach advantage. He's obviously working to land a takedown but the leg kicks and combinations aren't doing anything to set it up.

950: Since midway through the first, you could see Sugar really stalking and controlling where the fight is actually taking place in the cage. More of the same through two.

952: Evans lands another takedown just as he did in the first. Catches a high kick from Davis and pulls the single leg into a takedown. A couple solid elbows in the sidemount from Rashad. Pretty impressive showing thus far for Rashad. 10-9 Rashad.

954: Round 3, underway. Interesting that they ID Jeremy Piven in the crowd but not Michael Vick in the same row. Curious.

956: Safe to say the inexperience of Davis is shining through. Nearly through the third and Evans is starting to pick Phil apart. Davis finally lands a desperate takedown but Evans escapes with relative ease. Even w/ the takedown, Evans seemed to control the round from beginning to end. 10-9 Evans. 


1001: Round 4 underway. To answer the most egregious injustice of the night, I give you ...

You're welcome. 

1004: Davis is gassed. Rashad is being Rashad. A ho-hum penultimate round. 10-9 Evans and going for the sweep. 


1005: Perfect sentiment for this fight. From the ever so articulate Chad Dukes ...

"Why the UFC booked Rashad Evans for a @UFConFOX fight is beyond me. He's an excellent fighter but is NOT going to excite first time viewers."

Could not say it better. He'd better finish Phil in the 5th.

1006: Fifth and final round. I'm going to keep watching after the fight for the inevitable Jones/Evans post-fight confrontation.

1009: I need Joe Silva's job. At least when it comes to the Fox cards. A couple featherweight fights would have been nice for the noobs. Maybe the next lightweight title bout. Just something with the potential for excitement. Please?

1012: Clean sweep for Sugar. Book it. We'll see you in Atlanta. Jones. Evans. Fireworks. 10-9 Evans.

1014: I'll go into more detail on this later but I really think the UFC really blew it with this card on Fox. This was a golden opportunity to really reel in the casual viewer. And the card even before the Munoz injury looked okay at best. Evans is a tough sell for seasoned and rookie viewers alike. Odd that he was the centerpiece for this card.

1018: Winner by unanimous decision: Rashad Evans. Jones stays in the booth. DAMNATION.

1020: Decent night of fights but it could have been so much more. Thanks for those that followed along. I'll have further analysis shortly. Good game, kiddos. 

You Went There: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

959: Early highlight of this week's episode? The recap of last week with clips of Charlize Theron.

1002: Yes, Chris. The appropriate reaction to Charlize is ... 'Wow'.

Giggity.

1005: Love mise en place challenges. Not that I'm an expert on speed or anything. Just saying.

1007: I belong to the '50-yr old Asian Man' school of eating i.e. "don't you dare remove the shell or head off my shrimp b/c you're ruining it." This shell removal challenge is offending me.

1009: Just for the record, I'm writing while sitting on an exercise ball with my laptop on a stool. I'll let that picture develop.

1011: This season's 'Vote for your favorite loser chef!' contest amuses me, esp. considering that chefs that never actually made it on the show are vying for votes. It's like William Hung campaigning to win American Idol. Like now.

1016: Oh, Grayson, baby. You had it in the bag. Don't you ever worry your pretty little head.

1017: Shocker: The Asians are going head-to-head. The TV gods. They hate me.

1021: Sidebar - I used to do this wacky bit where I would pretend to be Chef Paul, except I would talk in a heavy Viet accent. KNEE. SLAPPING. STUFF.

Then I found out he's Filipino. Bit. Over.

1025: They must play that Camry commercial during every break. So much so that things are starting to run together. That last time it looked like Chris Berman was driving the Camry in a wifebeater. Then I realized it was Kelly Clarkson.

1030: So you know my baby, Grayson. She's cute. She cooks. She wins from time to time. But the strategy part? Not her strong suit. For instance, 200 chicken salad sammiches to order. Ambitious yes but not the best idear.

1030: 'I'm Sarah. So what I have for you today is a meatball with turkey, some squash, arugula, a side of squash, a dash of squash, squash, squash, wild squash, squash ... and to cool you off, some squash.'

1041: Commercial for 'The Vow'. I'm imagining the producer pitching it to the studio like this ... 'Okay, think "50 First Dates", but not funny and mostly sad. And Channing Tatum's abs. Did I mention his abs?'

1048: Judges' Table time. Oh, Grayson, baby. You lost me at 'Asian Food'.

1053: Episode I 3D commercial. I was just about to say something about how it was such BS that the really good Asian chef (Paul) looked poised to eliminate his equally talented yet starcrossed Asian chef. Then I had visions of Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Jinn swinging lightsabers in 3D. Gahddamn you, Lucas.

1059: BOOM! Chris J. hits the bricks. That mock pony tail stuck around for about three weeks too long. A great showing for Chris nonetheless. I'm sure he will go back to Moto a better chef. I look forward to eating a ravioli made of toilet paper. Or something weird.

1101: Gonna catch me some Last Chance Kitchen but before I split, I have to say this was a pretty disappointing episode, especially coming off the high from last week. It's mindboggling just how painfully inconsistent this season has been. The culprit seemed to be a really weak premise for the elimination challenge. Yes, we know Healthy Choice is the sponsor. Yes, we know Chef Bryan, a Top Chef alum, makes a fine spokesman. But do you need to hand jam the product into a half assed, healthy-eating contest? Obvious answer is no.

And for chrissakes, enough with the 'Let's cook for 620 yokels!' challenges. Once, twice, three times a season is enough. Way too many challenges with cafeteria-style eating.

1112: End rant. Thanks for reading. Fun night as always. Stay classy, San Diego. 

Wait, It Rains in SF? NFC TITLE GAME LIVE BLOG

645: NATIONAL ANTHEM TIME! I'm vaguely familiar with the work of Kristin Chenoweth. May or may not be a ringing endorsement for her rendition of the anthem.

648: Quote from Joe Buck - 'Eli is playing better than he did when he won the Super Bowl.' Glad he cleared that up for us.

655: My respect level grows for Eli every year. That said, I don't know how any of his receivers can take anything he says seriously when he gives them 'The Eli Face'.

656: If you don't know what the 'Eli Face' is, just think back to the movie "Half Baked" when Kenny goes to jail and he tries to show the guys with his 'mean' face.

703: I was eight seconds away from writing how the Niners would be foolish to try and throw their way to victory. I learn nothing. 70 yd pitch and catch to put SF up 7-0.

704: Official replay explanation. Poor Ed Hocculi. He knows too many words. Ed, we feel your pain, we know what you meant.

705: Commercial for #WrathOfTheTitans. How do you follow up a flaming turd? You add more dragons and explosions.

707: Apparently pre-existing celebrations can be granfathered and exempted from TD celebration penalties (i.e. the Lambeau Leap). Hell of a league, ya got, Goodell.

713: Giants passing game looks a bit out of sync. Hakeem Nicks has to give opposing coaches nightmares. Huge loss if he doesn't come back.

716: Whoops.

718: I'm going to reinstate my 'Niners stupid to try and throw to win' comment. That last pass from Alex Smith was ... dare I say ... Grossman-esque?

728: Commercial for 'This Means War.' They put Bane and Capt. Kirk into a movie together. That should've been enough. And then they made it a romcom with Reese Witherspoon. Just take my head off.

730: I'm fairly confident Eli's offseason passing coach is Tim Wakefield. Either way, hell of a throw on the TD. ALL TIED AT 7 KIDDOS!

733: Bettis: 'Peyton?' Peyton: 'Hey, a man's gotta work.' Priceless. Great commercial from Papa Johns.

741: Vernon Davis looked like Sensational Sheri jumping on another wrestler's back, trying to save the Macho Man from a beatdown. Awful penalty, comedy gold.

745: Really? Fake fair catch? I'm going back to a UCONN game a few years back when some douchebag return guy faked the fair catch and ran for a TD. I'm of the opinion that any player that does that should be forced to play the remainder of the game without a helmet. Bush league stuff.

755: Commercial for Disney's "John Carter". Let me get this straight. Gambit and Silverfox from 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine'. These are your stars? It cost a gazillion dollars to make. I have no idea how they will make a profit. Not a clue.

757: The Bing commerical with the snowboarder returning from the brain injury? Might be a little ill-timed considering Sarah Burke's passing. Just saying.

806: Can't believe I'm giving Eli this much love. I guess when he's not dancing a jig or making awful faces, Eli Manning is a good quarterback.

810: UFC on Fox commercial Not sure how I feel about the Jon Jones/kicking the swings spot. Anyway, at the half it's 10-7 NY Giants.

830: Start of the second half. Niners not looking too sharp out of the gate. Did I mention I thought it was foolish for the Niners to force Alex Smith to carry them today? Just wanted to remind you guys.

832: If you're keeping score, the Niners' first drive of the 2nd half: three passes called, one sack, one penalty. Bailed out by a horrendous penalty against the Giants secondary. This cannot be ignored.

853: Watching Alex Smith the last two weeks, I'm still not impressed. Granted he has two TD passes and no picks but he's thrown flat routes and go routes and nothing else. Hence, Niners would be wise to be control the football with the lead.

901: Surefire interception broken up by ... two 49er DBs who never saw each other coming. Someone should tell the Goldson kid that 'yanking him up by his jersey' is not recommended treatment for someone with a potential head injury. Crazy play, should have netted a turnover. Hoping Terrell Brown is okay.

921: Devin Thomas for the Giants. Carlos Rogers for the Niners. I genuinely have no rooting interest in this game.

924: I know he's a bit awkward but can we have a round of applause for Ed Hocculi? No canned explanations from him. A casual breakdown of the call. Love it.

927:  Ladies and gents, we have an actual reception in the second half. Huge first down conversion for NYG coming off the turnover. Back to the turnover Kyle Williams' muffed punt: It will haunt me forever if Devin Thomas ends up making a critical play that could help send his team to the Super Bowl. I may not sleep tonight.

930: Eli hits Manningham for TD in the back of the endzone to take the lead. Incredible throw. Again. If the score holds, we are less than nine minutes away from Eli surpassing Peyton. Room spinning real fast.

936: For the Giants, the road to failure is littered with Kenny Phillips penalty flags.

938: Niners trying to tie the score. Two huge runs to get the Niners in scoring position. Who knew.

940: 44 FGs. If you had David Akers on your fantasy squad this year, well done, you. WE'RE ALL TIED AT 17, KIDDOS!

958: Giants and Niners exchange possessions. Eli and his face have one minute and 18 seconds. Niners defense might make a play here. Call it a hunch.

1002: 27 tics left. Score tied. And a brand new episode of American Idol to follow!!!

1010: Overtime. Where complicated happens.

1015: This Goldson kid could ruin a cup of coffee. Not one, but two gift interceptions and he screws the pooch on both by running into a teammate. Sidebar: Thanks to Aikman for pointing out that Skins fans were not crazy and he did drop plenty of picks in his time here. Again, not crazy.

1022: Eli and the Giants with their 2nd crack at the win her in OT. Sidebar: Shocked at just how little we've heard from Patrick Willis today. Quiet days are good for linemen, not linebackers. Just saying.

1030: No words to describe how awful I feel for Kyle Williams. Not often that we get two goats in one day. Kyle Williams and Billy Cundiff ... you are both apart of history.

1040: Giants boot the GW field goal. Grown men celebrate awkwardly. Seriously, congrats New York. You officially have the better Manning. You got swept by the Redskins but I guess it turned out okay in the end. Just keep Devin Thomas off the mic and we'll be square.

1046: Terry Bradshaw said 'Devin Thomas' nine times in a row. I might need to cut bait before he shows his face. Great day of football. Deuces.

Porn for Paula Dean: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1009: Going on record: Worst season of Top Chef yet. Still I watch.

1011: To elaborate, I cannot remember a season where they went so far out of their way to tell the audience how credentialed the cast was. Yet I cannot recall a more lame ass, disappointing bunch of cooks.

1014: FYI I got a jonesing for Grayson. A byproduct of being the only decent looking woman this season. That's not saying much.

1016: More of my ginger haired angel. MAWWWR.

1018: I'm convinced Beverly gets hated on for being the uber-asian goober, which almost completely invalidates her talent. Almost.

1019: I was going to say something about the poor quality of the elimination challenges and then Charlize Theron hit the screen. I can't remember if I had pants on before. I don't care.

1025: I need to know what the special 'coating' is on Burger King's new fries. Sure, it might make the fries taste like heaven and look like money but it's Himalayan goat pee, I don't want it.

1030: We are 30 minutes into the show. There are seven chefs left. Three are Asian. How did this escape me thus far?

1039: Leave it to me to drub the current season ... only to see the chefs pull out the best meal yet. I have no business betting on anything.

1041: I need a ruling. I think Ed is a dead ringer for my friend, Andrew.  See below:

Andrew on the left, chef Edward Lee on the right.

RIGHT?! If there's former PSA-er reading this who can co-sign, please do so. Freaky. 

1054: I'll just come out with it: Sarah can lick it. She undercooked risotto this season, not once but twice. She quit an elimination challenge ... mid-challenge (and then came back when convenient ... only to leave again). She threw the Asian girl under the bus. I'm over the "Nice-pitiable-fat-girl" shtick. These rocks won't kick themselves.

1059: Well, that's the last time I push the Asians. Ladies and gents, I am ... The Cooler.

1101: Back to Grayson. She's hot in the way Rachel Nichols from ESPN is hot ... in that if you're stare at her long enough, and you remove any other basis for comparison (i.e. little to no women on the same program), you turn a 4 into a 6. In Grayson's case, a 5 to a 7. Thank you for your time.

1106: There's something amiss with this 'Last Chance Kitchen'. Indulge me.

- Tom Colicchio doesn't change shirts for three to four weeks. At least.
- Neither does the peanut gallery, for that matter.
- The challenges take place in the San Antonio kitchen but the incoming chefs are coming from all over the state at different times in the season.

There's probably a logical explanation to all this but until that surfaces, I'll be waiting for the chef on the grassy knoll.

1115: I won't spoil the results from the LCK but this might've been the best one yet.

1118: Had fun tonight. If you read this, a gold star to ya. You may pack your knives and go. Night.