Home Cooked - BENGALS REDSKINS LIVE BLOG

1:00: Just clicked to CBS and was greeted by a Kevin Harlan monologue and a Robert Griffin motivational speech. I could probably run through a wall right now. IT'S GAME TIME!

1:03: Wildcat chicanery. 73 yrd bomb to AJ Green for the TD. Don't even care that it was thrown by a rookie wideout. More pissed that it was D Hall with the assignment on arguably the best young receiver in the game.

By the way, I'm a dog person. I dislike cats. Of all varieties. Add wildcats to that.

1:06: Stand corrected. Free safety DaJon Gomes on the blown TD pass. We'll just slide my animosity one slot over in the backfield.

1:09: Injury timeout as the trainers check out Trent Williams. B/c the Redskins have the kind of O line depth where they can afford injuries to starters. Note: My pants are aflame.

1:12: After a couple of nice runs by Alfred Morris, we have an injury to Williams, fumbled snap by Griffin, and a failed 3rd down conversion. Nausea is imminent.

1:15: By the by, it's never a good sign when your injured lineman responds to treatment by planting both hands on the sides of his head.

1:16: Rob Jackson just saved the early portion of my day. Pick six IN THE CINCY ENDZONE for the score. No words. 7 all.

1:18: On the pick, it was Ryan Kerrigan providing the pressure on Andy Dalton to force the bad throw. Sidebar - I would have a hard time taking orders from a QB with a first name ending in Y.

1:20: Other notable QB goofsballs w/ names ending in Y: Tony Romo, Joey Harrington.

1:23: Quick observation - three kickoffs, none of which resulted in a touchback. This means nothing to anyone but me.

1:25: Bengals doing next to nothing on the ground but they are moving down field with the pass. Super excited to have a shaky secondary holding down the fort.

1:27: Bengals fail to convert on 3rd down. And the refs manage to (correctly) flag Cincy for a hold. The world, she works.

By the way, the NFL is working with replacement refs. I'm not sure you heard. Earlier in the drive, there was a missed holding call. The man who was held in both holding situations? Kerrigan. He might be a problem today.

1:32: FYI, this isn't likely to gain me any brownie points but I'm writing all this with only seven good fingers. The three bum digits are heavily bandaged. Try not to count the typos.

1:37: Bengals with their fourth possession and the 'Skins are winning the battle at the line. Elsewhere? Not so much. Armon Binns beats Wilson along the seam and takes it 48 yds for the score. Suffice it to say, the secondary is a disaster.

1:42: I've written next to nothing about the Skins offense thus far. There's a reason and it's not good.

1:43: Jordan Black, the replacement for Trent Williams, has been getting killed and Griffin has been rocked twice as a result. Nervous doesn't begin to describe.

1:45: For all the issues in the secondary, if AJ Green doesn't have a personal, two man, burgundy colored security detail for the rest of this game, I'm calling for Haslett's head.

1:49: Skins down 7 and CBS runs a Dallas TD highlight. Next up, James Brown swings by to kick my dog.

1:53: Bengals starting to move the ball on the ground and in the air as they enter the red zone. Only thing worse than giving up a big play on defense is getting chewed up slowly and methodically.

1:56: Bengals with a fake FG try (failed). No points after a drive of four minutes plus. Marvin Lewis must really have fond memories of his days in DC. Otherwise, I have no explanation for what I just saw.

1:59: Dear Kyle Shanahan, we get it. Griffin can run. He's going to get hit enough, esp. with Trent Williams out. STOP WITH THE F**KING QB RUNS. Thank you.

2:01: The offensive play calling today has been suspect at best. Haven't seen any of the roll outs for Griffin thus far. I thought those worked pretty well. Would make sense to keep Griffin on the move w/ Trent out of the game. Just saying.

2:07: Perry Riley just had a nice pass defensed. Sidebar - he's awful on Twitter though.

2:12: Bengals up two scores, 17-7, with under five minutes to play in the half. Trent makes a Willis Reed like return. Matters not, as Griffin fumbles the option pitch to Morris. Cincy recovers in Skins territory and I make a B line for a bottle Great Lakes Oktoberfest brew. F**k.

2:17: One yd TD score for the one man law firm, Ben Jarvis Green-Ellis. Makes it 24-7 Cincy. Upside - this beer is awesome.

2:18: This is our home opener, right?

2:20: Nice decision by Shanny, to have Cincy re-kick. Banks returns it 55 to give skins their best field position. Offense looks like they could screw up a ham sandwich right now so I'm not confident they'll do anything with the position.

2:23: After almost 30 minutes of football, I've got four different pronunciations of Rey Maualuga's name thus far. Could be a fun drinking game (if you're into that kind of thing).

2:29: Taking a pause to actually watch how this two minute drive goes. Points or I start binge drinking.

2:31: Points, binge on hold temporarily. 24-10 Tiger cats as we head to half.

2:54: That five minute blog break was brought to you by the Washington offense. Decent 80 yd drive ends with Morris on a nifty run from inside the 10 to bring DC within 7. Score is 24-17 striped tabbies.

2:57: Nice shot of Morris on the bench with his helmet on as we come out of the commercial. As if to say, "I'm keeping my hat on. Eff you guys."

3:01: Only worse than that first half is the news that they are singing 'Viva Los Redskins' instead of "Hail To The Redskins". That's all I'm going to say.

3:03: Can't tell you how much time I spent watching NFL Films clips as a kid. Very sad losing Steve Sabol. Great of the NFL and CBS to pay tribute, loved the spot they ran earlier.

3:07: Sidebar - Skins started the 2nd half with an 80 yard TD drive, I started with a Great Lakes Nosferatu, a seasonal imperial red ale. I think we both scored.

3:08: Skins moving the ball but the double and triple option plays are driving my blood pressure up exponentially, no matter how well it's working.

3:13: The designed QB run is also adding to my health woes.

3:15: No matter. It's a new ballgame. 24 all. BTW, orange stinks as a team color.

3:19: After a 20 yd strike from Dalton to AJ Green, BJGE breaks the space time continuum and puts the ball on the turf. (First of his career.) Skins recover, and somewhere, there's a naked, overweight, DJ roaming the streets of northern Virginia.

3:22: To say the Skins' defense is playing better in the 2nd half would be like saying ... the Skins' defense is playing better in the 2nd half.

3:24: Put aside the fact that Nike has enslaved the impoverished people of my homeland. I love their product. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention the terribly unfortunate sweat zones on their NFL jerseys. Specifically, the stomach and underarm patches. Can't say I remember a single Reebok jersey looking that awkwardly sweaty.

3:27: I love Alfred Morris. Drives forward like a truck driver with an open passing lane.

3:38: A host of officiating issues I won't go into detail explaining. After Skins fail to score, Bengals come back with an 80 yard drive to go back up 7. 31-24 Ligers.

3:41: More than 11 minutes to play and the Skins are down a score with no timeouts. I'm assuming my BP is something like 450 over 80.

3:43: Kyle, enough.

3:46: Skins forced to kick after a missed 3rd down conversion, preceded by an awful no-call on 2nd down. Hankerson basically had his shoelaces tied together by the secondary while the back judge checked his Twitter feed on his sweet new iPhone (I'm assuming).

3:51: A sh*tshow on wheels. Dalton to Hawkins to put Cincy up two TDs. If you're counting at home, that's TD passing plays of 73, 48, and 59 yards. Oh, throw in a six yard TD pass too (you're know, for balance).

3:53: Hard to believe this is a defense entering it's third year in the same scheme, not to mention the fact the Skins added a former head coach to manage the secondary. Actually showing signs of regression across the board.

3:58: Skins and Griffin using the sidelines to try and get back into this game. They'll need to.

3:59: Regardless of what happens, the Griffin to Fred Davis connection makes me warm.

4:02: Skins driving. Having a hard time processing why the clock didn't stop on the Hankerson grab as he trotted out of bounds. If you want to say he stepped out fine, but he did get clocked on the sideline after going out of bounds. Late hit if you ask me.

4:03: Dear Commissioner Goodell, GFY.

4:04: Commissioner Goodell, seriously, I'm as qualified as most replacement refs. I have Sundays free. Take me off Skins games and you got yourself a deal  steal.

4:09: Niles Paul = most unpopular Redskin of 2012. And it's only Week 3. Josh Morgan begs to differ but I stand by that proclamation.

4:11: One score game as we hit the 2 minute warning. I have to pee. DAMNIT.

4:15: 1:47 to play and the Skins start from the 1. Eternal damnation.

4:17: Odd that Griffin would paint the sidelines on the previous drive but then opt to go up the middle w/ less than two minutes left.

4:24: Clusterf*ck on iceskates. I have no idea what just happened. Game ends with a last second heave by Griffin that lands harmlessly somewhere in Hyattsville. Bungles almost give it all back, hang on to win 38-31.

4:29: A wholly unsatisfying performance from the Redskins. Defense made strides in the second half but the big plays made it impossible for the offense to comeback. Griffin was good in spots but inconsistent reading the defense and throwing the ball. Replacement officials made us continue to yearn for Ed Hocculi and co.

4:31: If you read all this, I hope you were drinking. I sure was. Sidebar - our defense from 2-3 years ago would have slit some throats to have 30+ points scored just once in a game. This team has done it three straight weeks. Anyway, enjoy the rest of your Sunday, kids. I've got a drink calling my name. Adios.

Wait, what day is it? - COWBOYS - GIANTS LIVE BLOG

8:41: Can't tell if Queen Latifah was lip syncing. Also as perplexing: Queen wearing Peyton's number on a Giants jersey. With rhinestones no less.

8:42: Forgive me if I seem at a loss for words right now. Still trying to convince myself that I just saw a kickoff that didn't go for a touchback. Seems like ... years.

8:45: After the G-men go three and out, the Cowboys promptly respond with ... one of their own. White knuckle action, folks. WELCOME BACK, FOOTBALL!!

8:51: Who had the first botched penalty call from a replacement ref at three minutes and 20 seconds into the first quarter? I was betting sooner.

8:54: Seriously, it's Wednesday.

8:59: If we ever get a Tuesday season opener, I'm not sure there will be a happy marriage anywhere in this country.

9:02: Ten minutes into the first quarter, and we're just getting the first team across midfield. Not quite a symphony of sport thus far.

9:18: Full disclosure. I've been bored to bits. Just more than 17 minutes into the game and you'd have a hard time convincing anyone this game looks any better than a late preseason contest.

9:22: I was just about to check my pulse before Tony Romo rescued me back to life with an ill-advised throw over the middle. Michael Boley returns that duck 45 yards to inside the Cowboys 5-yd line. Meanwhile, I can avoid coffee. For a few minutes at least.

9:26: Rex Ryan's better half is pumped, as his defense makes a stand (with a little help from ... shocker, a missed call at the goal line) and the Cowboys hold NY to 3.

9:29: In case anyone was wondering, my game time grub? Homemade baked chicken and waffles. Be impressed.

9:31: Orlando Scandrick may me an average nickel cornerback for the Dallas Cowboys but I'll only remember him for being on Bravo's "Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles".

9:34: Another Dallas possession, another punt. I wonder what baseball is doing right now ...

9:36: Oh right, 9-0 Nats.

9:38: Four minutes left in the first half, Giants still up by trey. Quick recap of the game thus far:

Very few things happened. Thank you.

9:41: Seriously, very little going on.

9:41: In all honestly, aside from two botched calls, the replacements refs have gone largely unnoticed thus far. Which is a good thing, all things considered. Of course, all this good will goes out the window as soon as a crucial call gets blow in a huge spot. No pressure, boys.

9:47: Coming out of the two minute warning, we get our first big offensive play of the game. Romo and Bryant hook up for 38 yards and a big third down conversion. And a small piece of soul dies.

9:51: Aaaaand there goes another piece. Romo makes something out of nothing and finds Stephen Ogletree over the middle for six. [expletive deleted]

9:53: Brief mention about the most valuable NFL franchises, with the Cowboys and Patriots clocking in at 1 and 2, followed by ... the Redskins?

9:55: Seriously, three playoff wins since 1991. And somehow, the 'Skins fan base has continued to pour money into Dan Snyder's piggy bank. To the tune of $1.63 billion. There went another piece of my soul.

9:59: Oh yeah, we're at half. 7-3 Cowboys a.k.a. the greater of two evils.

10:15: Second half underway. Barely had a chance to re-warm my seat before Romo fires a strike to ... surprise, Stephen Ogletree for their second TD connection of the night. And simultaneously, millions of fantasy football nerds hit the the waiver wire. 14-3 in favor of the bad guys with stars on their helmets.

10:21: Commercial comment: The more the cell phone companies push shared data plans, the longer I will cling to my unlimited data plan, despite the awful service. This is my terrible plot for revenge.

10:29: A minute after slandering the Giants' run game on twitter, Ahmad Bradshaw scampers in for six on the heels of a 30-yd lob from Manning to Hixon. I am .. .the Jinx. 14-10 Dallasucks.

10:32: Sidenote. As awesome as Nike is at ... everything, these new NFL jerseys have some really unfortunate sweat spots, most notably, on darker jerseys. Can't say I can remember seeing anything remotely similar on the Reebok threads. Playdry > Dri - fit.

10:40: As much as it pains me to say this, Romo has been much smarter with the ball since the pick in the first half. He extended the play with his feet before finding Ogletree on the first score, did it again on the last play to avoid the sack in the red zone here in the third quarter.

Of course, it may be a function of how inconsistent the Dallas O line has been thus far. But like, you know, whatever.

10:44: Following my praise of Romo ... a sack and a near pick in the end zone. DAL settles for a field goal to push their lead back to 7. End of the third quarter and suddenly, I hear my memory foam mattress whispering. Ever so slightly.

10:48: Clicked over to the DNC for a wake up call. Regardless of your politics, if President Clinton speaks, you have to watch. Totally kicking ass.

10:53: Back to football. Giants punt. Seriously, there's more action at the DNC right now then there is at Giants Stadium.

10:58: Cowboys on the move in the 4th. After Miles Austin checks in with a first down grab, DeMarco Murray gashes the Giants' D up the middle. Looks like another slow start on both sides of the ball for Big Blue.

11:03: Highlight of the game so far: Romo bumps into Murray on the exchange, Murray runs for the first down but plows into Dez Bryant, sending him to the turf and inadvertently cutting off his run by 2-3 yds. Fantastic.

11:07: Miles Austin picked a good time to wake up and start playing. Romo finds him for a 34-yrd grab to make it a two score game. 24-10 C-boys. [expletive deleted]

11:10: Clicking back to the DNC. Seems to be a lot of chanting during Clinton's speech. I'm hoping the President channels The Rock and yells, "WHOA, THIS ISN'T SINGALONG WITH BUBBA!"

11:14: Giants trying to come back. And then ...

Pass to Cruz. Drop. Repeat x 3.

Baffling. He's literally killing drives.

11:21: Deion & Peyton in Directv ads? Comedy gold.

11:22: Giants driving. Bradshaw pitter patters to convert a 4th and 1. Looked real tentative but got the job done.

11:23: Right after the conversion, Eli finds Bennett in the back of the end zone to bring Big Blue within 7. Fingertips on the ball, toes in bounds, great grab. 24-17 Caballeros.

11:27: I know it's a tight game, approaching two minutes ... but I'd like to mention that Osi Umemyiora and Eli Manning appear to have "special" helmets.

11:30: Former Redskin and current Giants' CB Justin Tryon appears to wearing a bull's eye, at least to Romo he does. Got beat by Ogletree to convert on 3rd down and essentially seal the game.

11:33: Cowboys enter the victory formation and I prepare for the fetal position. Dallas takes the season opening 24-17 over the defending champion Giants. Had a good time tonight, hope you did too. Til next time.

Hit Me With it: TOP CHEF FINALE LIVE BLOG

1000: Just before the finale starts, we get ... a cryptic commercial for a program called 'Around the World in 80 Plates.' Color me intrigued.

1004: As the defeated chefs battle to serve as sous chefs to the finalists ... we have a Grayson sighting. I could probably log off now.

1006: Sarah nabs Nyesha as one of her sous, which prompts her to mention her skills as a saucier. Suddenly, I'm reminded of that scene from 'Tropic Thunder' where Robert Downey talks about being a 'saucier in San Anton'.

1010: "I'm not letting you butcher." - Sarah to Tyler, the first and most infamous eliminated chef this season, who also just happens to be one of her sous chefs. I'm really LOL-ing at this.

1012: Commercial time. BTW, thanks in large part to the unseasonably warm DC weather, I'm getting an early dose of allergies, which is completely wiping me out. So to fuel me through this episode, this post is brought to you by Coke Zero. A really small can though (see left).

1019: As the chefs prep for service, Tyler frantically begs for guidance. Reminds me of another movie, in this case, 'Waiting', when the gals are telling Calvin to not be a pussy. [/imdb]

1024: Commercial time. Are we really two thirds of the way through this episode? Already?

1025: Plug for 'Million Dollar Listing New York'. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I really miss the original 'Million Dollar Listing'. Coiffed douche bags and overpriced real estate. Classic.

1027: Back in the kitchen, Paul takes the first speed bump (funky crab) and plows through it. The backup prawns get pulled in and he doesn't miss a beat. So far.

1029: As the judges get seated in Paul's restaurant, we get two notable items from the judge's table: the phrase 'Top Chef Canada' and the host of 'Around the World in 80 Plates', Kat Cora.

1031: Mid-meal, Paul is greeted by his girlfriend and family. He don't look filipino but that was for damnsure a filipino accent.

1032: I just want to go on record as saying this doesn't feel like a finale. Just ... doesn't.

1033: In Sarah's kitchen, we hear the phrase, 'nutty consistency'. Just for kicks, if you ever watch Bizarre Foods, grab a beer, and drink every time he says, 'nutty'. Leave me a comment when you wake up the next day w/ your clothes still on.

1037: Commercial time. The Bud Platinum commercial hits. Can I say I'm a huge fan of the use of Kanye for this spot? Brilliant stuff.

1039: Back from the break ... and Sarah's crying again. Not gonna be too sexist. I'll just say I'm over it.

1041: Crisis # 2 for Paul, as the prawns in his apps end up overcooked. In Sarah's kitchen, she dodges a pinbone bullet w/ her fish. Meanwhile, I'm considering lesbianism as I glare at Kat Cora.

1044: Not to play on any stereotypes, but I'm certain the owner of Terlato wines has buried a stool pigeon or two in his lifetime.

1045: "I feel pretty good ... for the first time here." Paul, of his performance in the finale. Not sure if that's a good omen.

1046: At judges' table, we got mention of Sarah's sweetbread dish. Quick mention of the only time I had sweetbreads. I had it at Volt w/ my fiance for our five year anniversary. I ordered it w/o telling her what it was. Once she found out what it was ... well, let's just say she hasn't totally forgiven me yet.

1050: Nothing against Hugh Acheson, who's been perfectly fine in his role as the fourth judge this season. But I just miss Anthony Bourdain.

1051: Ugh. A 'Watch What Happens Live' plug and looking at Sarah's smiling face, I'm not too keen on Paul's chances of pulling this out. Excuse me as I ready that bottle of wine.

1058: Second commercial I've seen for 'Shahs of Sunset'. Aside from Top Chef, I think every other show on Bravo makes me want to go jogging ... into traffic.

1059: All the eliminated chefs looking on. Nice touch to build the dramedy.

1100: THANK GOD.

1101: MOTHER OF GOD, THANK YOU.

 1102: A THOUSAND TIMES, THANK YOU. Paul takes the crown, and Sarah does a teary eyed face palm (metaphorically speaking). Elsewhere, Bev is clicking her tiny heels together, as she skips down the street. Not sure I can conjure another coherent thought tonight so on that note, I will see you guys next week for the reunion episode. Auf wiedersehen!

Two Outta Four: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1006: Okay, so two of the final four chefs are Asian. Maybe not the two I had anticipated but ... I'll deal.

1007: I'm not sure what it is about being on Top Chef but for some reason, when it gets to four, regardless of the season, the chefs feel compelled to come back with new haircuts.

1010: So the quickfire challenge has our final four cooking ... wait for it ... on ski lifts mountain side gondolas in Whistler. I'm not sure what the ratings have been like this year but these 'extreme' cooking challenges have been way too frequent and nigh unwatchable. Not a fan to say the least. Here's hoping they straighten up their act and get back to actual cooking next season.

1015: It's been 15 minutes and ... Beverly's already annoying while Lindsey screwed the pooch on her dish. Shocker ... ?

1018: Whatever, Lindsey. Enjoy failure in the finale.

1019: A zillion barbeque challenges, countless extreme challenges, free passes to the final two rounds ...  this season has completely confounded me.

1021: Sarah - "Beverly ... is the silent horse." Riiiiiight.

1024: I had a coherent thought two seconds ago ... then the fiance started playing 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now' by Starship. Where am I? What's happening?

1025: Food in ice blocks. Keep on pushing it, a**holes. 

1027: Watching the contestants wail away at the ice blocks reminds me of my childhood ... wailing away at ice blocks, working in a hot dog truck in DC. FYI, Asian parents don't understand the phrase 'child labor laws.'

1032:  You have to love the karma. Paul helps his fellow contestants, takes down the second quickfire and the second seat in the finale. Meanwhile, Sarah is already lining up therapists, in the event she screws the pooch against Bev. Love it.

1038: And for the final challenge? A biathlon.  I want jump off my balcony into a cauldron of scalding hot split pea soup.

1045: If nothing else, the look of absolute anguish on Sarah's face throughout this ep has been worth the price of admission.

1049: Judges' table, deliberation time as we go to commercial. Bravo once again shoves 'Watch What Happens Live' down our throats and adds the ghoulish grill of Lil' Kim into the mix for good measure. I will never watch that 'show'. (And I may not sleep tonight.)

1054: More commercials. I'm sure Ellen Degeneres uses a ton of the stuff but I'm not getting her as a L'Oreal pitch person. Old Navy, Toyota Prius? Maybe. Make-up? Not so much. Stick with Sofia Vergara, thanks.

1057: Moment of truth ... and all I can fixate on is Padma's yellow shirt.

1058: Ugh. Sarah moves on and ups the annoying quotient for the finale.

1101: Wait, what? That was just the semifinal round? A one-on-one finale? What in the crikey hell is going on?

1103: Just a quick word to close this post. I know I've said it ad nauseum but this season has really been a dud. Again, totally flying blind on this season's ratings but I do know the past few seasons have seen a dip in viewership so I can understand a few tweaks. That said, the need to keep things interesting  shouldn't come at the expense of the show's integrity. And I'll leave it at that.

Thanks for playing, kids. Good times watching and writing. I say good day.

Cletus with Gloves: UFC on FOX 2 LIVE BLOG

821: Quick word on the choice of analysts. Couture is a 10 on the mic. As for Jon Jones, as a fighter, I'm all in. That said, he has as much charisma as my punching bag. Doesn't help that he was constantly looking at his notes. Considering how Brock came across on UFC on Fox 1, UFC might want to consider NOT employing current fighters as analysts.

825: Chris Weidman vs. Demian Maia - Round 1. Pretty hard round to score so far. Weidman with the crisper strikes but Maia responding well. Very even fight, slight edge to Chris. 10-9 Weidman.

827: It could be the way the mics are set, or the fact that the first round was too close to call. Either way, from what I can tell, this Chicago crowd is straight ass so far.

828: The biggest loss for the UFC in losing Mark Munoz from the card? Not being able to repeat his nickname as 'the Filipino Wrecking Machine' a billion times.

829: Into the 2nd round. Again, even round to this point but Weidman is obviously landing with the lead left. Shocker, this crowd of Chicago dullards is booing.

831: Here's a great drinking game for you kids that are into that kind of thing: For every time Mike Goldberg says 'headkick', consume. You would be surprised how blitzed you get. Really, it's the weirdest quirk about Goldie as a commentator. It's like he's so excited at the notion of someone getting kicked in the head that he can't even muster another word  to describe the action except 'headkick'.

834: 3rd Round. Based on the jabs and the takedowns, I had the 2nd  round narrowly for Weidman. Granted, this hasn't been a very exciting fight but this crowd really blows. The slam by Weidman barely elicited some 'ooohs' from the audience. Just awful.

837: Note to Dana White: Cross Chicago off the list. Forever. Thanks. Can I get a RT?

840: After three, I'll give Maia his token round. Fight could go either way but I've got Weidman 29-28. Winner by Split Decision: Chris Weidman. 

841: LOL @ Bruce Buffer. He called Chris the victor... but pointed at Demian Maia. Classy.

842: Kind of an awkward moment. No customary post fight interview for Weidman. Looked like he was standing around waiting for Joe Rogan to ask him about the bout, maybe ask if he had any shoutouts. Oops.

846: Chael Sonnen gives another great promo. He could use a little more coaching on loving the camera though. CHAEL, WE'RE OVER HERE.

848: Don't know how Fox let's 'Goddamn' slip through in a video package. Amateurish.

855: Chael Sonnen vs Michael Bisping - Round 1. Quick take down by Sonnen after a short exchange. This round should be very telling, in terms of where this fight will take place.

Sidebar - I think someone may have sprayed the audience with adrenaline. They might have a pulse now.

859: After two early takedowns, Bisping is really controlling the position by going to the clinch. Both guys seem to be butting heads quite a bit. Sonnen looks a bit tentative to start. 10-9 Bisping.

901: We have a Brittany Palmer sighting. My night is made.

902: Second round under way.

903: 'Sonnen looks terrible here.' Might be Joe Rogan's best analysis of the night. THIS IS WHY HE GETS THE BIG BUCKS.

905: This fight has been a whole lotta nothing. Sonnen has been largely ineffective after scoring a takedown. Bisping is controlling the pace but it seems like he's just holding position against the cage to guard against the takedown. I'll give it to Chael on the takedown but I really don't want to. 10-9 Sonnen.

908: Someone's going to have to explain to me if/when non-title fights will go five rounds. Not that this fight needs it but it's for the #1 contender-ship. Seems kinda important. Just saying.

909: Third round. Sonnen lands a brutal double leg takedown. Chael quickly takes his back, transitions BEAUT-I-FULLY to a full mount. If he can finish the round this way, it'll leave a lasting impression.

912: Five rounds, Dana. What's up?

913: I've got it 29-28 Sonnen but round 2 is a coinflip in my eyes. How do you score two close rounds and one fairly decisive round?

914: Sidebar - I really hope Fox is in it for the long haul. Three fights on Fox so far and not a single finish. Pray for patience.

915: Winner (and evidently the best fighter in the world) by unanimous decision: Chael Sonnen. I wish I could get a transcript of that post fight 'interview'/ promo.

917: I think someone snuck some quaaludes in Goldie's Snapple. Rogan too for that matter. Neither seem really jazzed for tonight's show but they certainly picked up the energy level talking about next week's pay-per-view. Coincidence?

922: Talking up the Davis - Evans contest and they showed a list of top 10 light heavyweights. Forest Griffin is still listed in the top 10. That should tell you all you need to know about the rankings.

923: I know the UFC is fighting to steer clear of pro wrestling at all costs. That said, they could really benefit by having the WWE produce their video packages. Wake me when the fight starts.

930: So much for hearing about Phil Davis. Oh well, on to the fight.

931: It's hilarious that Bones and Rashad are 'beefing'. Their personalities are almost exactly the same. Every 'clever' comment they make seems totally forced. In fact, nothing they say comes across as authentic. I hope you recognize this, Dana.

936: I'm curious if Rashad is really as relaxed as he seems. I wonder how quickly he'll get off (pause) against the younger guy in Davis.

940: A pro-Rashad crowd. But not by much. This crowd can suck it.

941: Rashad Evans vs Phil Davis - Round 1. Davis is moving well so far, showing now sign of rust but not much going on. Lots of feeling out.

945: Evans catches one of many kicks from Phil, keeps the single and sweeps to land the takedown. Davis in trouble, fighting out of a crucifix position. Phil frees himself but the damage is done. Solid round for Sugar. Unfortunately. 10-9 Evans.

947: It's almost 10 and we've yet to see an ounce of 'the beautiful Arianny'. I call foul.

948: Into round 2. Davis looks more active standing but he's struggling to use his reach advantage. He's obviously working to land a takedown but the leg kicks and combinations aren't doing anything to set it up.

950: Since midway through the first, you could see Sugar really stalking and controlling where the fight is actually taking place in the cage. More of the same through two.

952: Evans lands another takedown just as he did in the first. Catches a high kick from Davis and pulls the single leg into a takedown. A couple solid elbows in the sidemount from Rashad. Pretty impressive showing thus far for Rashad. 10-9 Rashad.

954: Round 3, underway. Interesting that they ID Jeremy Piven in the crowd but not Michael Vick in the same row. Curious.

956: Safe to say the inexperience of Davis is shining through. Nearly through the third and Evans is starting to pick Phil apart. Davis finally lands a desperate takedown but Evans escapes with relative ease. Even w/ the takedown, Evans seemed to control the round from beginning to end. 10-9 Evans. 


1001: Round 4 underway. To answer the most egregious injustice of the night, I give you ...

You're welcome. 

1004: Davis is gassed. Rashad is being Rashad. A ho-hum penultimate round. 10-9 Evans and going for the sweep. 


1005: Perfect sentiment for this fight. From the ever so articulate Chad Dukes ...

"Why the UFC booked Rashad Evans for a @UFConFOX fight is beyond me. He's an excellent fighter but is NOT going to excite first time viewers."

Could not say it better. He'd better finish Phil in the 5th.

1006: Fifth and final round. I'm going to keep watching after the fight for the inevitable Jones/Evans post-fight confrontation.

1009: I need Joe Silva's job. At least when it comes to the Fox cards. A couple featherweight fights would have been nice for the noobs. Maybe the next lightweight title bout. Just something with the potential for excitement. Please?

1012: Clean sweep for Sugar. Book it. We'll see you in Atlanta. Jones. Evans. Fireworks. 10-9 Evans.

1014: I'll go into more detail on this later but I really think the UFC really blew it with this card on Fox. This was a golden opportunity to really reel in the casual viewer. And the card even before the Munoz injury looked okay at best. Evans is a tough sell for seasoned and rookie viewers alike. Odd that he was the centerpiece for this card.

1018: Winner by unanimous decision: Rashad Evans. Jones stays in the booth. DAMNATION.

1020: Decent night of fights but it could have been so much more. Thanks for those that followed along. I'll have further analysis shortly. Good game, kiddos. 

You Went There: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

959: Early highlight of this week's episode? The recap of last week with clips of Charlize Theron.

1002: Yes, Chris. The appropriate reaction to Charlize is ... 'Wow'.

Giggity.

1005: Love mise en place challenges. Not that I'm an expert on speed or anything. Just saying.

1007: I belong to the '50-yr old Asian Man' school of eating i.e. "don't you dare remove the shell or head off my shrimp b/c you're ruining it." This shell removal challenge is offending me.

1009: Just for the record, I'm writing while sitting on an exercise ball with my laptop on a stool. I'll let that picture develop.

1011: This season's 'Vote for your favorite loser chef!' contest amuses me, esp. considering that chefs that never actually made it on the show are vying for votes. It's like William Hung campaigning to win American Idol. Like now.

1016: Oh, Grayson, baby. You had it in the bag. Don't you ever worry your pretty little head.

1017: Shocker: The Asians are going head-to-head. The TV gods. They hate me.

1021: Sidebar - I used to do this wacky bit where I would pretend to be Chef Paul, except I would talk in a heavy Viet accent. KNEE. SLAPPING. STUFF.

Then I found out he's Filipino. Bit. Over.

1025: They must play that Camry commercial during every break. So much so that things are starting to run together. That last time it looked like Chris Berman was driving the Camry in a wifebeater. Then I realized it was Kelly Clarkson.

1030: So you know my baby, Grayson. She's cute. She cooks. She wins from time to time. But the strategy part? Not her strong suit. For instance, 200 chicken salad sammiches to order. Ambitious yes but not the best idear.

1030: 'I'm Sarah. So what I have for you today is a meatball with turkey, some squash, arugula, a side of squash, a dash of squash, squash, squash, wild squash, squash ... and to cool you off, some squash.'

1041: Commercial for 'The Vow'. I'm imagining the producer pitching it to the studio like this ... 'Okay, think "50 First Dates", but not funny and mostly sad. And Channing Tatum's abs. Did I mention his abs?'

1048: Judges' Table time. Oh, Grayson, baby. You lost me at 'Asian Food'.

1053: Episode I 3D commercial. I was just about to say something about how it was such BS that the really good Asian chef (Paul) looked poised to eliminate his equally talented yet starcrossed Asian chef. Then I had visions of Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Jinn swinging lightsabers in 3D. Gahddamn you, Lucas.

1059: BOOM! Chris J. hits the bricks. That mock pony tail stuck around for about three weeks too long. A great showing for Chris nonetheless. I'm sure he will go back to Moto a better chef. I look forward to eating a ravioli made of toilet paper. Or something weird.

1101: Gonna catch me some Last Chance Kitchen but before I split, I have to say this was a pretty disappointing episode, especially coming off the high from last week. It's mindboggling just how painfully inconsistent this season has been. The culprit seemed to be a really weak premise for the elimination challenge. Yes, we know Healthy Choice is the sponsor. Yes, we know Chef Bryan, a Top Chef alum, makes a fine spokesman. But do you need to hand jam the product into a half assed, healthy-eating contest? Obvious answer is no.

And for chrissakes, enough with the 'Let's cook for 620 yokels!' challenges. Once, twice, three times a season is enough. Way too many challenges with cafeteria-style eating.

1112: End rant. Thanks for reading. Fun night as always. Stay classy, San Diego. 

Wait, It Rains in SF? NFC TITLE GAME LIVE BLOG

645: NATIONAL ANTHEM TIME! I'm vaguely familiar with the work of Kristin Chenoweth. May or may not be a ringing endorsement for her rendition of the anthem.

648: Quote from Joe Buck - 'Eli is playing better than he did when he won the Super Bowl.' Glad he cleared that up for us.

655: My respect level grows for Eli every year. That said, I don't know how any of his receivers can take anything he says seriously when he gives them 'The Eli Face'.

656: If you don't know what the 'Eli Face' is, just think back to the movie "Half Baked" when Kenny goes to jail and he tries to show the guys with his 'mean' face.

703: I was eight seconds away from writing how the Niners would be foolish to try and throw their way to victory. I learn nothing. 70 yd pitch and catch to put SF up 7-0.

704: Official replay explanation. Poor Ed Hocculi. He knows too many words. Ed, we feel your pain, we know what you meant.

705: Commercial for #WrathOfTheTitans. How do you follow up a flaming turd? You add more dragons and explosions.

707: Apparently pre-existing celebrations can be granfathered and exempted from TD celebration penalties (i.e. the Lambeau Leap). Hell of a league, ya got, Goodell.

713: Giants passing game looks a bit out of sync. Hakeem Nicks has to give opposing coaches nightmares. Huge loss if he doesn't come back.

716: Whoops.

718: I'm going to reinstate my 'Niners stupid to try and throw to win' comment. That last pass from Alex Smith was ... dare I say ... Grossman-esque?

728: Commercial for 'This Means War.' They put Bane and Capt. Kirk into a movie together. That should've been enough. And then they made it a romcom with Reese Witherspoon. Just take my head off.

730: I'm fairly confident Eli's offseason passing coach is Tim Wakefield. Either way, hell of a throw on the TD. ALL TIED AT 7 KIDDOS!

733: Bettis: 'Peyton?' Peyton: 'Hey, a man's gotta work.' Priceless. Great commercial from Papa Johns.

741: Vernon Davis looked like Sensational Sheri jumping on another wrestler's back, trying to save the Macho Man from a beatdown. Awful penalty, comedy gold.

745: Really? Fake fair catch? I'm going back to a UCONN game a few years back when some douchebag return guy faked the fair catch and ran for a TD. I'm of the opinion that any player that does that should be forced to play the remainder of the game without a helmet. Bush league stuff.

755: Commercial for Disney's "John Carter". Let me get this straight. Gambit and Silverfox from 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine'. These are your stars? It cost a gazillion dollars to make. I have no idea how they will make a profit. Not a clue.

757: The Bing commerical with the snowboarder returning from the brain injury? Might be a little ill-timed considering Sarah Burke's passing. Just saying.

806: Can't believe I'm giving Eli this much love. I guess when he's not dancing a jig or making awful faces, Eli Manning is a good quarterback.

810: UFC on Fox commercial Not sure how I feel about the Jon Jones/kicking the swings spot. Anyway, at the half it's 10-7 NY Giants.

830: Start of the second half. Niners not looking too sharp out of the gate. Did I mention I thought it was foolish for the Niners to force Alex Smith to carry them today? Just wanted to remind you guys.

832: If you're keeping score, the Niners' first drive of the 2nd half: three passes called, one sack, one penalty. Bailed out by a horrendous penalty against the Giants secondary. This cannot be ignored.

853: Watching Alex Smith the last two weeks, I'm still not impressed. Granted he has two TD passes and no picks but he's thrown flat routes and go routes and nothing else. Hence, Niners would be wise to be control the football with the lead.

901: Surefire interception broken up by ... two 49er DBs who never saw each other coming. Someone should tell the Goldson kid that 'yanking him up by his jersey' is not recommended treatment for someone with a potential head injury. Crazy play, should have netted a turnover. Hoping Terrell Brown is okay.

921: Devin Thomas for the Giants. Carlos Rogers for the Niners. I genuinely have no rooting interest in this game.

924: I know he's a bit awkward but can we have a round of applause for Ed Hocculi? No canned explanations from him. A casual breakdown of the call. Love it.

927:  Ladies and gents, we have an actual reception in the second half. Huge first down conversion for NYG coming off the turnover. Back to the turnover Kyle Williams' muffed punt: It will haunt me forever if Devin Thomas ends up making a critical play that could help send his team to the Super Bowl. I may not sleep tonight.

930: Eli hits Manningham for TD in the back of the endzone to take the lead. Incredible throw. Again. If the score holds, we are less than nine minutes away from Eli surpassing Peyton. Room spinning real fast.

936: For the Giants, the road to failure is littered with Kenny Phillips penalty flags.

938: Niners trying to tie the score. Two huge runs to get the Niners in scoring position. Who knew.

940: 44 FGs. If you had David Akers on your fantasy squad this year, well done, you. WE'RE ALL TIED AT 17, KIDDOS!

958: Giants and Niners exchange possessions. Eli and his face have one minute and 18 seconds. Niners defense might make a play here. Call it a hunch.

1002: 27 tics left. Score tied. And a brand new episode of American Idol to follow!!!

1010: Overtime. Where complicated happens.

1015: This Goldson kid could ruin a cup of coffee. Not one, but two gift interceptions and he screws the pooch on both by running into a teammate. Sidebar: Thanks to Aikman for pointing out that Skins fans were not crazy and he did drop plenty of picks in his time here. Again, not crazy.

1022: Eli and the Giants with their 2nd crack at the win her in OT. Sidebar: Shocked at just how little we've heard from Patrick Willis today. Quiet days are good for linemen, not linebackers. Just saying.

1030: No words to describe how awful I feel for Kyle Williams. Not often that we get two goats in one day. Kyle Williams and Billy Cundiff ... you are both apart of history.

1040: Giants boot the GW field goal. Grown men celebrate awkwardly. Seriously, congrats New York. You officially have the better Manning. You got swept by the Redskins but I guess it turned out okay in the end. Just keep Devin Thomas off the mic and we'll be square.

1046: Terry Bradshaw said 'Devin Thomas' nine times in a row. I might need to cut bait before he shows his face. Great day of football. Deuces.

Porn for Paula Dean: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1009: Going on record: Worst season of Top Chef yet. Still I watch.

1011: To elaborate, I cannot remember a season where they went so far out of their way to tell the audience how credentialed the cast was. Yet I cannot recall a more lame ass, disappointing bunch of cooks.

1014: FYI I got a jonesing for Grayson. A byproduct of being the only decent looking woman this season. That's not saying much.

1016: More of my ginger haired angel. MAWWWR.

1018: I'm convinced Beverly gets hated on for being the uber-asian goober, which almost completely invalidates her talent. Almost.

1019: I was going to say something about the poor quality of the elimination challenges and then Charlize Theron hit the screen. I can't remember if I had pants on before. I don't care.

1025: I need to know what the special 'coating' is on Burger King's new fries. Sure, it might make the fries taste like heaven and look like money but it's Himalayan goat pee, I don't want it.

1030: We are 30 minutes into the show. There are seven chefs left. Three are Asian. How did this escape me thus far?

1039: Leave it to me to drub the current season ... only to see the chefs pull out the best meal yet. I have no business betting on anything.

1041: I need a ruling. I think Ed is a dead ringer for my friend, Andrew.  See below:

Andrew on the left, chef Edward Lee on the right.

RIGHT?! If there's former PSA-er reading this who can co-sign, please do so. Freaky. 

1054: I'll just come out with it: Sarah can lick it. She undercooked risotto this season, not once but twice. She quit an elimination challenge ... mid-challenge (and then came back when convenient ... only to leave again). She threw the Asian girl under the bus. I'm over the "Nice-pitiable-fat-girl" shtick. These rocks won't kick themselves.

1059: Well, that's the last time I push the Asians. Ladies and gents, I am ... The Cooler.

1101: Back to Grayson. She's hot in the way Rachel Nichols from ESPN is hot ... in that if you're stare at her long enough, and you remove any other basis for comparison (i.e. little to no women on the same program), you turn a 4 into a 6. In Grayson's case, a 5 to a 7. Thank you for your time.

1106: There's something amiss with this 'Last Chance Kitchen'. Indulge me.

- Tom Colicchio doesn't change shirts for three to four weeks. At least.
- Neither does the peanut gallery, for that matter.
- The challenges take place in the San Antonio kitchen but the incoming chefs are coming from all over the state at different times in the season.

There's probably a logical explanation to all this but until that surfaces, I'll be waiting for the chef on the grassy knoll.

1115: I won't spoil the results from the LCK but this might've been the best one yet.

1118: Had fun tonight. If you read this, a gold star to ya. You may pack your knives and go. Night.

WHICH ONE DO I WATCH?! Skins vs. Texans Live Blog, 9/19

Okay, if you're reading this, you're probably wondering why I'm starting the season blogging on this game and not last week's 'Thrilla in DC...illa'. (Yeah, I'm not good w/ names.) I'll explain by saying... I have no explanation. I was so giddy w/ gold-pants fever that it never even entered my mind to blog it. Total blonde moment. Fail.

But I digest. Onward and upward.

4:31: "McNasty" has been just that so far... yetI'm still disappointed. In the meantime, I'm gonna put the finishing touches on my Graham Gano personalized jersey on NFLshop.com. 6-0 skins.

4:42: So this is what a running attack looks like...

Side note: I'm totally rooting for my own fantasy demise, unless this turns into a shootout. (This is TOTALLY what I didn't miss about fantasy football.)

4:48: Not entirely unexpected result, given the way the Texans were moving the ball. Shocker, the td pass just happens to land to RIGHT IN FRONT OF CARLOS "I'm supposed to catch the ball?" ROGERS. 7-6 the other texas team.

4:51: HUGE. FREAKING. BOMB. McNabb to Galloway for 62 yards (though it probably feels like 200 yards for the league's lone sexagenarian).

4:54: We have a Clinton Portis sighting. In the end zone no less. I have no words. 13-7 good guys.

4:58: If I ever became a sportscaster, and Mike Sellers actually did something good, I would obligated to utter the words, "And IT'S A SELLERS MARKET!" (Stu Scott, Swami, you're welcome.).

5:05: Quick story: Now that he's no longer an Eagle I can say this w/o flattering any screwboy eagles fans. Before the end of the season last year, I was totally, secretly hoping Philly would let McNabb walk... and somehow, wind up in DC. I just couldn't fathom a scenario in which they would be stupid enough to jump on the Kevin Kolb bandwagon before he was ready. Couldn't see it. Impossible. Moronic if they did it.

I give 'smart' ppl too much credit sometimes.

5:16: Srsly, where the hell did the first half go? Anyway, McNasty is inexplicably looking for Sellers (who gets an E for effort, while Fred Davis gets an A; -0.5 for not sticking the landing though). Skins driving. Fast.

5:22: I'm just shocked at how the skins are dominating the game at the line. Sick nasty. Anyway, CP with his 2nd td run (kind of killing me fantasywise but I'll live with it). 20-7 maroon and black (shouts out to Jim Zorn).

6:02: I've been drinking and scouring the fantasy waiver wire for the last 40 minutes. Sue me. Anyway... HOW BOUT THEM SKINS?!!

Srsly, the run game is concerning but the intermediate passes have more than made up for our deficiencies on the ground. I'm enjoying this right about now. 27-10 mcnasty n co.

6:39: okay, different game now at 27-20. But it was inevitable that the offense would taper off going into the second half. Defense finally comes through in a big spot on 3rd and 7 for the texans. Woosah.

6:50: Starting to sweat. Not liking the soft zone the skins seem to be sitting in. D really needs to tighten up but they just might be too tired at this stage.

6:52: Speechless. Can't believe Dre wasn't double teamed the second he came out of the locker room.

7:03: WHY WON'T THE STEPHAN HEYER SHOW EVER END?!!?

Wait, who's who? VT vs BSU Live Blog

Firstly, I just want to thank the fine folks at Nike for the newly designed 'Pro Combat' line of uniforms. Thank you again for the annual confusion that comes with you completely redesigning the team unis so that the teams are completely unrecognizable from year to year.

Thought I was watching Kentucky play Miami for a minute and a half.

Anyway, on with the show!

8:14PM: Points on the board, as Brent Musberger so astutely points out that the kicker only kicks from the right. Kind of like how Costanza can't make a move on a girl if she's sitting on his right.

8:15: Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen a full Tech game in about 3 years. And I'm pretty sure the last time I did, Tyrod Taylor was turning the ball over. Freaky.

8:18: Stop me if you've heard this one before: the home team at FedEx field, having MAJOR O-line issues.

8:21: Okay, these guys wearing the Wildcat unis are foreal. 10-0 BSU on a great play action pass over the middle.

8:24: I have to admit: I always chuckle at the Dick's ad, with the guy building an island. I heard that guy played football... or something.

8:43: Ok, I had to take a break to fix my keyboard. Mostly b/c I couldn't hit delete fast enough b/c I was starting to write how Tech was starting to pull it together through their defense and special teams.

BTW, the delete button is fully functioning.

8:47: Sick catch by the tight end Gallarda, who probably should've gotten the 6 on the previous play w/ the interference in the end zone.

Side note: I wonder if that one kid (you know, the tech guy who apparently broke the space-time continuum and teleported himself to commit not one, but two penalties ON THE SAME PLAY) will share his knowledge of physics to get the Hokies back into the game.

9:00: They're only 17 minutes late... but they finally showed up. Without further adieu, THE VIRGINIA TECH HOKIES!

9:03: Srsly, Taylor really woke up on that drive... except for that moment when his RB was getting swarmed by defenders, and he just kinda stood back and looked around like, 'What?'

9:06: Looking at the commercial, I kinda wish I watched 'Wall Street Redux' a few weeks ago in Frankfurt when I had the chance.

9:08: The Tech secondary looks as though it's comprised of 4 DeAngelo Halls. And not in a good way.

9:10: HOLY CRAP, it's Tek from Real World Hawaii in a Bud Light ad!

9:14: I guess 'Kickoff at the Capital' sounds better than 'Kickoff approximately 19 miles northeast of the Capital'.

9:18: Here's a shocker: The Boise kid who jawjacked his way into a knucklesandwich last year... commits a personal foul to prolong the Tech drive. Good thing for him the Tech kicker can't go right.

9:25: Ensuing 3rd down for Boise... wasn't so much a fumble, but a rugby pass... to no one. Good hit though.

9:28: Just when I thought Taylor was starting to run too much, he finally used his feet to draw the defender off the receiver to create the opening in the endzone. MUCH SUCCESS!

9:33: The only way ESPN could get more out of the announcers' backdrop is if they asked Brent to turn around and show the cold front moving through the southeast over night.

9:40: Srsly, this is a nice game and all but if these guys screw up this field for Sunday night, there will be hell to pay.

10:50: This game got much better once I opened a bottle of Blue Moon/Honey Moon summer ale. (Not a coincidence that my last post came an hour after said beer was opened). Anyway, pretty impressed w/ how both teams came out in the 2nd half. Taylor has turned his 'whirling dervish' act into effective game management. Meanwhile, Boise's Kellen the QB has somehow made a 7 completion effort into a strong showing. Color me tickled... or buzzed.

11:06: I'm sure this'll be a thrilling finish but this old boy will cork it and watch the rest in bed. I say good day, world.

Drop 'Bows: UFC 117 Live Blog

Firstly, how a fight that will determine the new #1 contender in the Heavyweight division is the OPENING FIGHT OF THE CARD... is beyond me. But onward and upward...

Fight 1) Junior Dos Santos v. Roy "Big Country" Nelson

Round 1 - Man, Jon Kruk is making major progress in his MMA career.

Seriously, I'm amazed at just how Big Country gets into the ring, let alone get out there and compete the way he does. Anyway, JDS launching combination after combination, with the uppercut doing the most damage. Somehow, Roy is still standing (maybe the gut is keeping him centered). JDS showing remarkable balance, with Roy repeatedly driving hard for the takedown. Roy is eating (no pun) some serious shots. First round is easily 10-9 JDS.

Round 2 - Junior seems to be slowing but landing solid. Despite all the damage, Roy is one tough bastard and somehow, he's getting off some solid right hands. JDS showing off a chin (kind of a revelation). Good to see Junior didn't blow his load in the first, trying to finish Big Country. Not quite as dominating a round for JDS (and the takedown attempt seemed questionable) but definitely 10-9 JDS.

Round 3 - Not that Roy ever really comes out with a great deal of pace but he's nearly glacial at this point. Rogan is really calling out Big Country for his physique (or lack thereof). I don't know if he'd be significantly better dropping 20-30 lbs but it might make his takedowns more effective. JDS keeping up the pressure, lands the takedown (!), lets him up (as if to say, "THERE, I did it."). Even if he catches JDS at this point, it doesn't look like Roy can put down the Brazilian. Gonna be really interesting to see Junior lob that uppercut at Brock's somewhat questionable chin. JDS FTW.

WINNER AND #1 CONTENDER FOR THE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: JDS by unanimous decision.

Match 2 - Matt Hughes vs. Ricardo Almeida

Round 1 - Lots of feeling out, with Matt looking to find the range. Almeida moving around quite a bit, Hughes showing great patience. EFFFFFFFFFFFF.... Hughes catches Almeida with a left, MATT IN FOR THE KILL. Front headlock is on tight, not quite a guillotine but Matt is cinching that thing in tight. Almeida stops for a nap. Freaking. Epic.

WINNER: THE GREATEST WELTERWEIGHT IN UFC HISTORY (for now) MATT HUGHES, submission by induced sleepiness... from a front facelock.

Match 3 - Clay Guida vs. Rafael Dos Anjos

Round 1 - New camp, same 'tweaker in the cage' look for Clay. (BTW, I just want to go on record as saying, Clay Guida has the best entrance music in the UFC. Bar none.) Vicious, I MEAN ABSOLUTELY VICIOUS head kick from Clay. Dos Anjos...still alive it seems. Quick exchanges for both, but Rafael hitting some mean inside leg kicks, Clay only barely able to check 'em. Clay pins Raf against the cage for a prolonged takedown attempt... no dice. Raf fires a mean punch combination, closes w/ a takedown. Was a tough fight to score midway through the round but the round ends definitely for Dos Anjos. 10-9 Dos Anjos.

Round 2 - I'll admit I was mildly distracted throughly Round 2 ("OOH a piece o' candy..."). I do manage to catch Clay landing a takedown toward the end of the round. Obviously, if Clay's gonna overtake Raf in this fight he's gonna have to take this fight to the ground. GUESTIMATE: 10-9 clay.

Round 3 - Clay quickly takes it to the mat and then... tap out? Really? Looks like Dos Anjos could've broken his jaw and the pressure from Clay just put it over the top.

WINNER: Clay Guida by submission (breaking face).

Btw, the celebrity/sponsor shoutouts... Clay Guida is open for business.

James Toney Interview - Lights Out rocking standard mma D-bag attire (Who says he doesn't fit in?!) ... mumbles unintelligible trash talk, possibly calls Randy Couture 'princess' in the process... instructs Randy to 'pay the electric bill... or he'll turn out the lights.' The one and only James Toney!

Pre-recorded filler: Stefan Struve v. H.P. Lovecraft (or Morecraft... whatever, he's Crafty)

Round 1 - Ok, so Struve is approx. 6'12''... give or take. I don't know how anyone ever hits him in the face w/o jumping but somehow... they do. Christian Morecraft (finally got a clue from Mr. Rogan) gets Struve to the mat and starts doing work from the guard on the Scandanavian Stringbean Struve (no applause). Solid hammerfists, pretty good assortment of punches from Morecraft. Round pretty much repeats as such. 10-9 Morecraft.

Round 2 - Okay, Morecraft is demoted to Lovecraft once more. Rather than take the fight to the mat, Lovecraft decides it's a good move to stand and trade w/ a guy 3 inches taller and roughly 2 feet of reach on him. Bombs from all angles until Struve lands a vicious straight right that drops Lovecraft. 37 punches on the ground and Herb Dean says no soup for you, Lovey.

WINNER: Struve by knockout (and horseshoe up his ass).

Co-Main Event: Jon Fitch vs. Thiago Alves (#1 contendership at stake)

*Alves is over by a half pound, gives up 20% of his purse, none of his lunch.

Round 1 - Say what you will about Jon's style, I would LOVE to see him get another crack at GSP. As calculated as St. Pierre is, Fitch seems equally up to the task technically. Fitch basically leads off the round on Thiago's back. Fitch gets stuffed on the takedown but he's switching position continuously... tenacious until he gets it. Alves powers out into a reversal but Fitch does well controlling the guard. Fight moves back to standing and Jon seems content to exchange... shocker (really). Pretty crisp shots from both. 10-9 Jon...easy.

Round 2 - Stepped away to watch this one closer. Jon just controlled the positioning throughout. 10-9 Grizzly man.

Round 3 - Thiago trying to get loose but can't seem to get out of the blocks. I can't believe how many times Thiago has driven forward yet he still manages to let Jon get around to his back. Another trip, another 3 mins on the mat. Fitch looks to close w/ a RNC but Thiago manages to Hulk out and end up on top. A little fidgeting about but no danger for either side. Fitchy finishes w/ a clean sweep. 10-9 for the unanimous decision.

WINNER: Jon Jon Phenonmenon (unanimously I might add).

Main Event: UFC Middleweight Championship - Spider Silva vs. Congressman Sonnen

I'll go on record as saying I despise Spider. Ever since the Maia fight. His record of jackassery in the octagon makes my head hurt. That said, I care very little about the Congressman from Oregon. While Chael's been entertaining in the build up for this fight, I can't imagine this Fox News poster boy rocking the belt. So basically, this is the perfect scenario in that... I care nothing about the outcome of this fight. I just want a good fight. Hopefully, this is the the math...

A motivated Spider + trash talking nut that's NOT his countryman = highlight reel knockout finality.

Round 1 - Josh Rosenthal, you are now the one seed. Don't blow it.

Ok, two minutes in... and I have no words. Be back after the fight.

So... Spidey... how's that chin? Is your spider sense going crazy? 10-9 AMERICA.

Round 2 - Gambling Spider = Sonnen takedown. Solid top control from Chael for much of the round but Spider is defending well. Not nearly as many clear shots from Chael. Still, scary how ineffective Spider has been from every angle. Silva goes for a couple quick submission attempts as the round closes, with little to no significant threat. 10-9 White Floyd Mayweather.

Round 3 - Razzle dazzle moment of the round: spinning back heel from Spider to kick things off.

Other than that, more of the same, i.e. Spider gambles w/ some shots, Chael lands the takedown, freeze frame. Not that we're seeing Chael lay-and-pray but Spider has really just been unable to escape. Again, solid guard from Spider but the round goes to Chael, 10-9.

Round 4 - Trouble in the heartland, as Silva comes out swinging. Short elbow buckles Sonnen. Silva seems to realize he needs to pull something out of his ass to win this fight, and he's taking a LOT of chances. Spider ends up on top of Sonnen after a failed takedown attempt but Sonnen suddenly finds Jesus and turns Silva over for the reversal. Unreal. Round closes much like the previous three. I'll give Spider a token round here just based on the damage he caused at the start of the round, then toward the end. Could go either way on the score cards though. 10-9 the Curitaba Peter Parker.

Round 5 - I have no words... again. Silva pulled a rabbit out of his ass... and by rabbit I mean triangle.

WINNER: SILVA. by miracle.

Top Chef: Live Blog - 7/14/10

-9:01: I just want to go on record as saying Lynn (who was eliminated last week w/ Arnold) was a nasty c-...cook. SUCK FAILURE, granny.

-9:03: And how Angelo ISN'T a line worker at the fudge packing plant...is beyond me.

-9:05: As soon as I clear my credit card, me and the woman is havin' dinner at the Inn at Little Washington. And then I will spend the next 6 months paying off the bill.

-9:07: Tim, sorry, you are the WORST representative for local cuisine. Ever. Prove me wrong.

-9:10: Side note: I got an infield hit and a walk yesterday in softball. How is it that my left arm is seized up like an epileptic kid watchin' anime?

-9:19: I'm half expecting Angelo to accidentally mutter the N word and get wok shoved up his ass. Or not. Would be cool though.

-9:29: Ok, I'm pretty sure Angelo has to go door to door to tell people about his 'indiscretions.' Total creep vibe.

-9:37: WE GET IT, KENNY'S BLACK. BETTER NICKNAMES, amanda.

-9:40: All we need is one more layer and the Pretzel M&Ms will = candy turducken.

-9:42: Tim (before every challenge in which he precipitously falls to the bottom): 'I'm really confident in what I did. I might take this thing down. Goddamn I'm good.'

-9:48: BLACK LIGHTNING STRIKES. (Ok, I had to give the nickname a try.)

-9:50: If Hollywood made a movie inspired by the Fail Blog, would Timothy play the lead? Or at the very least, narrate?

-9:59: No, Tim, you can't roll 7 or 11 on the come out every time. But you sure seemed to crap out. A lot.

-10:00: Okay, seriously, when did Top Chef become Survivor? JUST EFFING COOK.

-10:01: On another note, hello again, China Chow. I'm going to find me a copy of 'The Big Hit' on VHS.