You Went There: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

959: Early highlight of this week's episode? The recap of last week with clips of Charlize Theron.

1002: Yes, Chris. The appropriate reaction to Charlize is ... 'Wow'.

Giggity.

1005: Love mise en place challenges. Not that I'm an expert on speed or anything. Just saying.

1007: I belong to the '50-yr old Asian Man' school of eating i.e. "don't you dare remove the shell or head off my shrimp b/c you're ruining it." This shell removal challenge is offending me.

1009: Just for the record, I'm writing while sitting on an exercise ball with my laptop on a stool. I'll let that picture develop.

1011: This season's 'Vote for your favorite loser chef!' contest amuses me, esp. considering that chefs that never actually made it on the show are vying for votes. It's like William Hung campaigning to win American Idol. Like now.

1016: Oh, Grayson, baby. You had it in the bag. Don't you ever worry your pretty little head.

1017: Shocker: The Asians are going head-to-head. The TV gods. They hate me.

1021: Sidebar - I used to do this wacky bit where I would pretend to be Chef Paul, except I would talk in a heavy Viet accent. KNEE. SLAPPING. STUFF.

Then I found out he's Filipino. Bit. Over.

1025: They must play that Camry commercial during every break. So much so that things are starting to run together. That last time it looked like Chris Berman was driving the Camry in a wifebeater. Then I realized it was Kelly Clarkson.

1030: So you know my baby, Grayson. She's cute. She cooks. She wins from time to time. But the strategy part? Not her strong suit. For instance, 200 chicken salad sammiches to order. Ambitious yes but not the best idear.

1030: 'I'm Sarah. So what I have for you today is a meatball with turkey, some squash, arugula, a side of squash, a dash of squash, squash, squash, wild squash, squash ... and to cool you off, some squash.'

1041: Commercial for 'The Vow'. I'm imagining the producer pitching it to the studio like this ... 'Okay, think "50 First Dates", but not funny and mostly sad. And Channing Tatum's abs. Did I mention his abs?'

1048: Judges' Table time. Oh, Grayson, baby. You lost me at 'Asian Food'.

1053: Episode I 3D commercial. I was just about to say something about how it was such BS that the really good Asian chef (Paul) looked poised to eliminate his equally talented yet starcrossed Asian chef. Then I had visions of Darth Maul and Qui-Gon Jinn swinging lightsabers in 3D. Gahddamn you, Lucas.

1059: BOOM! Chris J. hits the bricks. That mock pony tail stuck around for about three weeks too long. A great showing for Chris nonetheless. I'm sure he will go back to Moto a better chef. I look forward to eating a ravioli made of toilet paper. Or something weird.

1101: Gonna catch me some Last Chance Kitchen but before I split, I have to say this was a pretty disappointing episode, especially coming off the high from last week. It's mindboggling just how painfully inconsistent this season has been. The culprit seemed to be a really weak premise for the elimination challenge. Yes, we know Healthy Choice is the sponsor. Yes, we know Chef Bryan, a Top Chef alum, makes a fine spokesman. But do you need to hand jam the product into a half assed, healthy-eating contest? Obvious answer is no.

And for chrissakes, enough with the 'Let's cook for 620 yokels!' challenges. Once, twice, three times a season is enough. Way too many challenges with cafeteria-style eating.

1112: End rant. Thanks for reading. Fun night as always. Stay classy, San Diego. 

Drop 'Bows: UFC 117 Live Blog

Firstly, how a fight that will determine the new #1 contender in the Heavyweight division is the OPENING FIGHT OF THE CARD... is beyond me. But onward and upward...

Fight 1) Junior Dos Santos v. Roy "Big Country" Nelson

Round 1 - Man, Jon Kruk is making major progress in his MMA career.

Seriously, I'm amazed at just how Big Country gets into the ring, let alone get out there and compete the way he does. Anyway, JDS launching combination after combination, with the uppercut doing the most damage. Somehow, Roy is still standing (maybe the gut is keeping him centered). JDS showing remarkable balance, with Roy repeatedly driving hard for the takedown. Roy is eating (no pun) some serious shots. First round is easily 10-9 JDS.

Round 2 - Junior seems to be slowing but landing solid. Despite all the damage, Roy is one tough bastard and somehow, he's getting off some solid right hands. JDS showing off a chin (kind of a revelation). Good to see Junior didn't blow his load in the first, trying to finish Big Country. Not quite as dominating a round for JDS (and the takedown attempt seemed questionable) but definitely 10-9 JDS.

Round 3 - Not that Roy ever really comes out with a great deal of pace but he's nearly glacial at this point. Rogan is really calling out Big Country for his physique (or lack thereof). I don't know if he'd be significantly better dropping 20-30 lbs but it might make his takedowns more effective. JDS keeping up the pressure, lands the takedown (!), lets him up (as if to say, "THERE, I did it."). Even if he catches JDS at this point, it doesn't look like Roy can put down the Brazilian. Gonna be really interesting to see Junior lob that uppercut at Brock's somewhat questionable chin. JDS FTW.

WINNER AND #1 CONTENDER FOR THE HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: JDS by unanimous decision.

Match 2 - Matt Hughes vs. Ricardo Almeida

Round 1 - Lots of feeling out, with Matt looking to find the range. Almeida moving around quite a bit, Hughes showing great patience. EFFFFFFFFFFFF.... Hughes catches Almeida with a left, MATT IN FOR THE KILL. Front headlock is on tight, not quite a guillotine but Matt is cinching that thing in tight. Almeida stops for a nap. Freaking. Epic.

WINNER: THE GREATEST WELTERWEIGHT IN UFC HISTORY (for now) MATT HUGHES, submission by induced sleepiness... from a front facelock.

Match 3 - Clay Guida vs. Rafael Dos Anjos

Round 1 - New camp, same 'tweaker in the cage' look for Clay. (BTW, I just want to go on record as saying, Clay Guida has the best entrance music in the UFC. Bar none.) Vicious, I MEAN ABSOLUTELY VICIOUS head kick from Clay. Dos Anjos...still alive it seems. Quick exchanges for both, but Rafael hitting some mean inside leg kicks, Clay only barely able to check 'em. Clay pins Raf against the cage for a prolonged takedown attempt... no dice. Raf fires a mean punch combination, closes w/ a takedown. Was a tough fight to score midway through the round but the round ends definitely for Dos Anjos. 10-9 Dos Anjos.

Round 2 - I'll admit I was mildly distracted throughly Round 2 ("OOH a piece o' candy..."). I do manage to catch Clay landing a takedown toward the end of the round. Obviously, if Clay's gonna overtake Raf in this fight he's gonna have to take this fight to the ground. GUESTIMATE: 10-9 clay.

Round 3 - Clay quickly takes it to the mat and then... tap out? Really? Looks like Dos Anjos could've broken his jaw and the pressure from Clay just put it over the top.

WINNER: Clay Guida by submission (breaking face).

Btw, the celebrity/sponsor shoutouts... Clay Guida is open for business.

James Toney Interview - Lights Out rocking standard mma D-bag attire (Who says he doesn't fit in?!) ... mumbles unintelligible trash talk, possibly calls Randy Couture 'princess' in the process... instructs Randy to 'pay the electric bill... or he'll turn out the lights.' The one and only James Toney!

Pre-recorded filler: Stefan Struve v. H.P. Lovecraft (or Morecraft... whatever, he's Crafty)

Round 1 - Ok, so Struve is approx. 6'12''... give or take. I don't know how anyone ever hits him in the face w/o jumping but somehow... they do. Christian Morecraft (finally got a clue from Mr. Rogan) gets Struve to the mat and starts doing work from the guard on the Scandanavian Stringbean Struve (no applause). Solid hammerfists, pretty good assortment of punches from Morecraft. Round pretty much repeats as such. 10-9 Morecraft.

Round 2 - Okay, Morecraft is demoted to Lovecraft once more. Rather than take the fight to the mat, Lovecraft decides it's a good move to stand and trade w/ a guy 3 inches taller and roughly 2 feet of reach on him. Bombs from all angles until Struve lands a vicious straight right that drops Lovecraft. 37 punches on the ground and Herb Dean says no soup for you, Lovey.

WINNER: Struve by knockout (and horseshoe up his ass).

Co-Main Event: Jon Fitch vs. Thiago Alves (#1 contendership at stake)

*Alves is over by a half pound, gives up 20% of his purse, none of his lunch.

Round 1 - Say what you will about Jon's style, I would LOVE to see him get another crack at GSP. As calculated as St. Pierre is, Fitch seems equally up to the task technically. Fitch basically leads off the round on Thiago's back. Fitch gets stuffed on the takedown but he's switching position continuously... tenacious until he gets it. Alves powers out into a reversal but Fitch does well controlling the guard. Fight moves back to standing and Jon seems content to exchange... shocker (really). Pretty crisp shots from both. 10-9 Jon...easy.

Round 2 - Stepped away to watch this one closer. Jon just controlled the positioning throughout. 10-9 Grizzly man.

Round 3 - Thiago trying to get loose but can't seem to get out of the blocks. I can't believe how many times Thiago has driven forward yet he still manages to let Jon get around to his back. Another trip, another 3 mins on the mat. Fitch looks to close w/ a RNC but Thiago manages to Hulk out and end up on top. A little fidgeting about but no danger for either side. Fitchy finishes w/ a clean sweep. 10-9 for the unanimous decision.

WINNER: Jon Jon Phenonmenon (unanimously I might add).

Main Event: UFC Middleweight Championship - Spider Silva vs. Congressman Sonnen

I'll go on record as saying I despise Spider. Ever since the Maia fight. His record of jackassery in the octagon makes my head hurt. That said, I care very little about the Congressman from Oregon. While Chael's been entertaining in the build up for this fight, I can't imagine this Fox News poster boy rocking the belt. So basically, this is the perfect scenario in that... I care nothing about the outcome of this fight. I just want a good fight. Hopefully, this is the the math...

A motivated Spider + trash talking nut that's NOT his countryman = highlight reel knockout finality.

Round 1 - Josh Rosenthal, you are now the one seed. Don't blow it.

Ok, two minutes in... and I have no words. Be back after the fight.

So... Spidey... how's that chin? Is your spider sense going crazy? 10-9 AMERICA.

Round 2 - Gambling Spider = Sonnen takedown. Solid top control from Chael for much of the round but Spider is defending well. Not nearly as many clear shots from Chael. Still, scary how ineffective Spider has been from every angle. Silva goes for a couple quick submission attempts as the round closes, with little to no significant threat. 10-9 White Floyd Mayweather.

Round 3 - Razzle dazzle moment of the round: spinning back heel from Spider to kick things off.

Other than that, more of the same, i.e. Spider gambles w/ some shots, Chael lands the takedown, freeze frame. Not that we're seeing Chael lay-and-pray but Spider has really just been unable to escape. Again, solid guard from Spider but the round goes to Chael, 10-9.

Round 4 - Trouble in the heartland, as Silva comes out swinging. Short elbow buckles Sonnen. Silva seems to realize he needs to pull something out of his ass to win this fight, and he's taking a LOT of chances. Spider ends up on top of Sonnen after a failed takedown attempt but Sonnen suddenly finds Jesus and turns Silva over for the reversal. Unreal. Round closes much like the previous three. I'll give Spider a token round here just based on the damage he caused at the start of the round, then toward the end. Could go either way on the score cards though. 10-9 the Curitaba Peter Parker.

Round 5 - I have no words... again. Silva pulled a rabbit out of his ass... and by rabbit I mean triangle.

WINNER: SILVA. by miracle.

The Return

Ladies and gentleman, sound a feasting horn... we have rod.

If you haven't been on my FB or if you're not familiar w/ the linkaging (it's a word...somewhere...), please visit www.bigoanddukes.com... drop trou, and enjoy what hath been bestowed on you.

For those not in the know, a year ago, the DC area suffered a significant loss when WJFK (106.7FM for the numerically inclined) flipped formats from THE GREATEST TALK RADIO STATION EVER to... sports. Only sports. All the time.

It was a slow motion car accident but the radio business sucked (and still does) so... business-wise, the move was understandable. However, in the process, some of the best talk radio in the business went by the wayside, most notably, the Mike O'Meara Show and the Big O and Dukes Show.

Total dagger.

Fortunately, the O'Meara Show resurfaced earlier in the year, in the form of a podcast (http://www.mikeomearashow.com/), which was nice. I think a lot of listeners expected Mike and gang to come back in some form but the same can't be said for O and Dukes. Dukes found new life on the rebranded 106.7 and Oscar ditched EL SOL and joined Mike on his podcast. It appeared that the story of Oscar and Chad had been written...

That is until last week. A short midnight FB post from Oscar and suddenly... the world seems right again. I encourage you to go to www.bigoanddukes.com to get a taste. If you can, go to itunes and search 'big o and dukes' to find old podcasts from the old radio station. I guarantee listening enjoyment. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do the maneuver...

Top Chef: Live Blog - 7/14/10

-9:01: I just want to go on record as saying Lynn (who was eliminated last week w/ Arnold) was a nasty c-...cook. SUCK FAILURE, granny.

-9:03: And how Angelo ISN'T a line worker at the fudge packing plant...is beyond me.

-9:05: As soon as I clear my credit card, me and the woman is havin' dinner at the Inn at Little Washington. And then I will spend the next 6 months paying off the bill.

-9:07: Tim, sorry, you are the WORST representative for local cuisine. Ever. Prove me wrong.

-9:10: Side note: I got an infield hit and a walk yesterday in softball. How is it that my left arm is seized up like an epileptic kid watchin' anime?

-9:19: I'm half expecting Angelo to accidentally mutter the N word and get wok shoved up his ass. Or not. Would be cool though.

-9:29: Ok, I'm pretty sure Angelo has to go door to door to tell people about his 'indiscretions.' Total creep vibe.

-9:37: WE GET IT, KENNY'S BLACK. BETTER NICKNAMES, amanda.

-9:40: All we need is one more layer and the Pretzel M&Ms will = candy turducken.

-9:42: Tim (before every challenge in which he precipitously falls to the bottom): 'I'm really confident in what I did. I might take this thing down. Goddamn I'm good.'

-9:48: BLACK LIGHTNING STRIKES. (Ok, I had to give the nickname a try.)

-9:50: If Hollywood made a movie inspired by the Fail Blog, would Timothy play the lead? Or at the very least, narrate?

-9:59: No, Tim, you can't roll 7 or 11 on the come out every time. But you sure seemed to crap out. A lot.

-10:00: Okay, seriously, when did Top Chef become Survivor? JUST EFFING COOK.

-10:01: On another note, hello again, China Chow. I'm going to find me a copy of 'The Big Hit' on VHS.

Random Thoughts - Week of July...something or other.

• I'm pretty sure... like 99.9345% sure... 50 cent was supposed to sing the hook on this Clipse track...but then at the last minute they probably thought, 'Eff it, let's just get an impersonator and save that money for weed.'
• FINALLY. Our long national nightmare is over. I will say, LeBron exceeded my expectations... and somehow out-douched himself on his way out of Cleveland.
• FYI, bron^2, very few 'global icons' play the role of second banana. Hope the Miami sun burns off the stench of failure.
  
• And to the good folks of Cleveland... you don't deserve this. I seldom condone hooliganism but in this case, go nuts. I trust the those Heat-Cavs games will make for great training footage for Cleveland riot police.
• Srsly, do my neighbors think they're back walking the streets of Mumbai? THERE IS A SIDEWALK 7 FEET TO YOUR RIGHT. USE IT. (P.S. Using the phone and listening to your ipod as you all walk in the path of my 2 ton deathmachine = asking for it.)
• Anyone got Rosetta Stone: German? Herr John might could be needin' it. Soon.
  

Ladies and Gents, Brock Lesnar and the UFC 116 Players!

Um...whoa.

For all the speculation about UFC 116 not pulling in as many viewers as expected, this was one HELL of an event. An undercard w/ mostly unheralded fights (at least to the general public) delivered big, and the main event gave fight fans something to remember for a long time.

I'll get to Brock/Carwin in a minute. (FYI, I was tempted to refer to him as Shane, like he was suddenly a household name after that fight. Which he should be. But that's neither here nor there.) The opener was as expected, w/ George Sotiropolous pulling out the decision over Kurt Pellegrino but MAN, did Kurt come within an eyelash of stealing that fight.

Chris Lytle gave us something we don't see everyday, in submitting Matt Brown w/ a "reverse triangle/crucifix". (I'm going to need pie charts and an easel to figure that one out.) The Bonnar/Kyrstof rematch was epic, if only for "the pose" post-match from a victorious Stephan Bonnar. (BTW I think I found my new avatar for the next six months.) The war that preceded it wasn't bad either.

And of course...there's Leben/Sexiyama. Like a lot of fight fans, I was legit bummed that Wanderlei couldn't compete against the Japanese/Korean fighter. But when the UFC threw in Chris Leben as a replacement, I immediately thought, 'Has he even had a chance to take his gloves off from the last fight?! WTF.'

And then last night happened...

Un. Freaking. Believable.

Despite being noticeably gassed by the middle of Round 2, Sexiyama manage to level some damaging shots against the Crippler right up until the bitter end. But the Legend of Leben was too much for him to overcome, and we saw just what makes Chris...Chris. Two weeks removed from stopping Aaron Simpson at the TUF finale, the Crippler turned in another heroic performance in tapping Sexiyama w/ a triangle and instantly, became one of my favorite fighters. BRAH. VO.

And now...the piece de resistance... the main event. Brock. Shane. Fisticuffs.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard and/or screamed the phrase, "HOLY SH*T, BROCK'S DONE" in that first round, well...I would have a lot of freaking nickels. Watching it live (at a Hooters no less), the crowd, myself included, was IN-CREDULOUS that referee Josh Rosenthal seemingly turned a blind eye to the shellacking Big Bad Brock was enduring. And it's not as if I wasn't expecting the long leash. I even went through the trouble of explaining to my girlfriend that the referees usually back off in championship fights. But with that said, even she couldn't believe the fight was going on.

Now, having been 24 hours removed from the fight, my feelings on the non-stoppage have waned a bit. However, I am still comfortable saying there have been scores of big fights stopped under circumstances much less dire than the one Brock Lesnar faced last night... with that circumstance being a 270 lb. monster raining down cinder-block fists and pick-axe elbows in rapid succession. Take into account that we've never seen anyone (Frank Mir included) put Brock in that much trouble in the Octagon. That alone should have signaled he was on the eve of destruction.

Ultimately, while it was far from pretty, Brock weathered the storm, shook off some of the ring rust and displayed his mettle by enduring the most legitimate threat to his title reign yet. Seriously, who had 'arm triangle' or anything other a fist to the face in their pool as the finish to this melee?

In then end, I think we all feel richer for having seen this performance from the Next Big Thing. However, the same can't be said for Shane Carwin. And that's probably why this whole deal doesn't sit well with me, the fact that Shane got hosed on this fight. Given that he was getting paid peanuts to take on Brock (see 'TEN TO ONE RATIO'), it was ostensibly a no-win situation, in that, not only did he have to win to make any significant coin, he had to do it impressively to boot. And to his credit, he did just that; Shane did exactly what he had done in his 12 previous fights, which was annihilate his opponent for three minutes plus. Only this time, that opponent was the undisputed heavyweight champ/UFC cash cow. You do the math.

I will trust Josh Rosenthal heard and saw more than we did from Brock last night in the midst of that first round 'exchange'. Just try telling that to Shane Carwin right now.

In spite of that slight unpleasantness, this was a strong show for Dana and co. Given the string of duds that have plagued several recent UFC events (Rashad, 'Page, I'm lookin' at you), this was a nice turnaround. Hopefully, there were a great many fight fans who were able to pay witness. Now, if only we could be certain this goodwill lingers for Spider Silva at UFC 117...

On second thought, that might be pushing it.

LMAO Live Blog: Eagles at Redskins, Monday, Oct. 26, 2009

EDIT: This was my first post on this page so bear in mind that this was a hasty attempt at a live blog...that failed miserably (much like the Redskins did that night).

11:02 - Can you cut an entire offensive unit? A man can dream...

10:06 - These games should come with a disclaimer -- 'May cause nausea.'

9:59 - I was three seconds from posting something about the Redskins doing something cool and lining up Haynesworth at right end but Carlos Rogers just reminded me why I hate life.