THURSDAY MUSINGS: The Hangover

(image by Bobby Rubio / http://www.alcatrazhigh.com/)

It's been five days. I guess it's not the longest hangover I've had.

To clarify, this isn't an alcohol induced hangover (though it very well could have been). This is a sports hangover. A DC sports hangover specifically, courtesy of your WASHINGTON CAPITALS (@!#$#$^%!!!).

Now, if you are curious as to what constitutes a 'DC sports hangover', the symptoms are largely the same as a regular hangover. That is ... there's nausea, vomiting, a little whining and self-loathing, acute sensitivity to light, a headache, feelings of regret ... and of course, late night pizza. Except for the DC sports fan, these symptoms aren't the result of a night of binging, but rather days, weeks, months, even years of seemingly misguided allegiances to perennially failing institutions in the world of sport.

For anyone unfortunate enough to share my fanaticism, you will know this variety of hangover pretty well. It happens every spring, when the Capitals inevitably walk the plank in the NHL playoffs. It happens when the Wizards fall out of playoff contention. Or mid-November, whichever happens first. (Because of the lockout, you could argue that the Wizards were never in playoff contention this year so there shouldn't have been any hangover to begin with. To which I will say, eat me.) And for Redskins fans - there are a few in DC, despite all the Cowboy/Steeler/Eagle placards you see in the area - our hangovers are either weekly or bi-monthly throughout the regular season. Even with the addition of RG3, it's hard to imagine a rookie coming out of the gate and firing on all cylinders so I suspect this season will be no different. (Don't say I didn't warn you.)

But alas, after about a week of quiet reflection (and complete shunning of ESPN), I've rehydrated, I'm back on solid foods ... I'm ready for the world again. And despite the soul-crushing loss to the New York Rangers (and the subsequent loss of Coach Hunter to ... Canadian farm life), I can honestly say that the excitement of this post-season run by the Capitals was well worth it, if for no other reason but to provide a glimpse at a team capable of exceeding expectations. Now, pass the Advil.

QUICK HITTERS

- The Nationals were noticeably absent from the above rant, largely because ... there's still reason for optimism (albeit cautious optimism). Despite a rash of injuries, a dearth of run support and the incessant efforts of interim closer Henry Rodriguez to DESTROY THE UNIVERSE, DC's boys of summer are sitting in first place of the National League East. Granted, we're not even into June yet but it's encouraging to see this team power through some rough patches with damn fine pitching and timely hitting.

- Speaking of hitting, some kid named Harper ... plays for the Nats I think ... he stroked a couple good hits. That is, two homers and triple in his last three games. Not bad for a 19 year old in his rookie campaign. Then again, all those accomplishments, along with an epic steal of home base, might be trumped by this:

UFC Octagon Girl, Brittany Palmer and lucky bastard, Bryce Harper

(image: Tracy Lee / Yahoo sports)

- The Redskins unveiled their modern interpretation of a throwback uni to commemorate their 80th anniversary. This after the disastrous debut of Nike's revamped NFL uniforms which ... looked exactly like the old Reebok uniforms. The verdict? A decisive 'Meh'. I don't mind the darker hues of burgundy and gold so much as I mind the obvious similarities to both Florida State's and Boston College's respective duds. For my money, the 'leather' helmets are a 10 but it seems other fans don't share my sentiment. I would love an in person look at all these to get a better feel for them. Better yet, in-person, on a Redskin, no more than 50 yards away from me. Please. 

- That said, no matter how the jersey looks up close, it will NEVER top the 70th anniversary jersey (of which I am a proud owner):

- The NBA playoffs are going on. I say that because I assume someone cares about such things. 

- This has nothing to do with sports but 'The Avengers' F**KING RULED. Yes, I am a nerd, and yes, I have been waiting with baited breath since 2008 for this movie. But damnit, if that wasn't a movie ANYONE could get behind. Great job by Mark Ruffalo in bringing the Hulk to life. Great interactions between him and Tony Stark. Great ensemble cast. Another great turn as Loki for Tom Hiddleston. As noted radio personality Robb Spiewak would say, just GREAT. 

That's all I got today. Appreciate everyone and anyone that took a moment to read this. I know I've been way sporadic posting in the last two months but hopefully, I can keep at it from here on in. Later, friends. 

Hit Me: CAPITALS RANGERS LIVEBLOG

7:41: The puck she drops, and I'm already flustered. I need a break from life so I can blog more.

7:42: Finally getting a replay of the Ovi sprint back down the ice to negate the icing. Key factor to his success? He led w/ his face. All the way to the glass. Hope the youngsters at home are taking notes.

7:44: Three minutes in and the teams have exchanged scoring opportunities. If this is any indication of how the game will go, I suspect that we'll see a little more scoring this go 'round. May be time to ready the Tums.

7:47: First 'Ovie Sucks' chant of the night. Cute the first time but terribly unoriginal. Really, there may be no more overrated hockey crowd than the MSG 'faithful'.

7:55: Nine minutes in, Caps just miss on a great two-on-one chance. Semin passed up the chance to shoot and judging by the commentary, you'd have thought the earth shattered. Settle down boys.

7:57: Rangers strike w/ nine to play. Seemed like a matter of time w/ the disparity in shots in favor of NY. I wonder how well antacids mix w/ dark beer.

8:00: Didn't catch this initially but that was Dennis Wideman on the ice for that NY tally. Just saying.

8:02: First 14 minutes of this period have not been kind to DC. Soft goal against Holtby, way too much time in the defensive zone, and now the Caps head to the PK. PS: Tums & beer? Not bad.

8:07: Ask any male, heterosexual Caps fan who they would want to get a one bed apartment with. The answer will surely be Matt Hendricks. Oh, Caps killed the Hamrlik minor penalty.

8:11: Chimera fires one into Lundqvist and takes a late hit from Del Zotto. I'm sensing imminent decapitation.

8:13: Del Zotto hooks Semin & gets two for his efforts. He's safe for two minutes at least.

8:15: First period closes and the Caps will have less than 15 tics on the power play to start the second. Urge to kill ... rising.

8:16: Sidenote - Wideman had a nice little turnover in the Caps' defensive zone at the start of the PP. Fortunately for him he had help. Unfortunately for Caps fans he's still under contract.

8:19: Best thing about the game so far? No Mike Milbury. My heart, she sings.

8:21: During his analysis, Jeremy Roenick says the word 'boom' no less than 12 times. Somewhere, John Madden is blushing like a schoolgirl.

8:27: Sidenote - This has nothing to do w/ hockey but ... 'The Avengers' ruled. A full-on, two hour nerdgasm. If I survive this game, I'm carving out an afternoon and catching a matinee. Pants may or may not be on.

8:32: Second period underway, and we see a graphic showing the Rangers' advantage in shots. 17-4 and nary a shot for any of the big three. Given the number and quality of opportunities, the Caps are lucky to be down one.

8:34: Girardi mauls Mike Green but refs nab 52 on the retaliation. Two mins slashing minor for Clarendon's most eligible bachelor.

8:36: Caps kill it off but this has not been a fun game to watch so far.

8:39: Ward hustles up ice and draws another penalty on Del Zotto. Safe to say he's been the Caps' MVP thus far. Del Zotto that is.

8:42: At least a trio of golden opportunities for the Caps as the PP tics off. Enjoying the pace right now but Lundqvist is looking scary good right now.

8:47: Just like that, Laich punches one home. Great screen by Brouwer to screen Lundqvist. FYI if Hendricks and I needed a roommate, best believe it would be Troy Brouwer.

8:51: How does Jeff Schultz follow-up a decent three minute stretch for the Caps? He turns the puck over off an easy pass near neutral ice. I pray he and Wideman get lost on the way to the locker room between periods. Every game.

8:55: Not to be outdone, John Carlson chips one out and gets two minutes for a delay of game. He gets a pass for the rug commercials. Not this.

8:57: Terrifying PK. Green had a couple good blocks but totally lost track of Gaborik behind him as he moved into the crease. Caps were lucky the centering pass skipped over his stick.

9:00: Four minutes left in the second. Holtby hasn't looked as solid but the replays show just how quick he's had to react all night. Great awareness. Heart his effort

9:04: Odd sequence as the period winds down. I'm pretty sure Ovie and Green both shot at the same puck. At the same damn time. Only in DC.

9:06: Our long, national nightmare is over. Caps escape the period with the score knotted at 1. My heart will  get a 15 minute reprieve.

9:23: Start of the third period. This last frame is being brought to you by Great Lakes Brewing's Elliot Ness Amber Lager. I'm not sponsored by them, I'm just enjoying the hell out of the buzz it's giving me.

9:26: After an initial surge by the Rangers, Caps respond w/ a buzz in front of Lundqvist. Three minutes in and again, Ward draws another penalty against NY. Rupp gets two for hooking.

9:30: Johnny C makes up for bad tapestry commercials and bad penalties. Power play strike from 74 gives DC a 2-1 advantage.

9:36: Thirteen minutes to play and I honestly do not recall a single Ovie shot attempt all night. Meanwhile Backstrom pings the pipe on a breakaway. Is there any question who's the most important Cap on the ice?

9:39: Wideman draws a highsticking minor on Kreider. This is what I would call "Step on the neck" time for DC.

9:42: Rangers poised to kill this penalty. If you're keeping score at home, the Caps continued that whacky bit where they start off a penalty by losing the faceoff and letting the D clear one to the other end. A good 'go-to' move for the Caps.

9:44: More whacky bits, this time by Semin. You know the one he does when he has a breakaway opportunity and then thinks, "Man, I'm an absolute sniper but an ill-fated pass would be SO MUCH COOLER."

9:47: Quote from Grant Paulsen (of 1067thefandc.com): "Dennis Wideman taking that stick to the head was his most productive moment of this postseaon." Truer words never spoken.

9:50: Four minutes to play, Caps protecting a one goal lead and NOW Hunter decides to double shift Ovie? NO EMOTICON FOR WHAT I'M FEELING.

9:53: Ovie blocks a shot, Laich buries one into Lundqvist's chest. I may black out.

9:56: Fifty five seconds. Pure terror.

9:57: Tortarella calls time for NYR, does zero coaching and makes the same, "I'm a complete douche" face he always makes.

10:01: There is no god.

10:02: Late double minor against Ward leads to a NYR goal with less than SEVEN FRIGGIN SECONDS to play. Oh, Rangers have just a hair under two minutes left to go on the PP to start OT. I ... can't speak.

10:05: The NHL's "Because it's the cup" campaign stinks. Should mimic the NBA and have the slogan be, "The NHL Playoffs: Where alcoholics are born". Beer #2.

10:18: Minute into OT and the extra frame is starting a lot like this game did. Rangers buzzing. Then again, so am I.

10:20: Kill me. Rangers take Game 5. And my soul.

10:27: Putting a bow on this before drowning my sorrows. The Ward penalty was awful but not insurmountable. Caps gave NY lots of opportunities in their own zone throughout the night but Holtby was largely able to bail out the D. They never seemed able to adjust and it was only a matter of time until it came back to haunt them.

Shoot the J. SHOOT IT: Caps-Bruins GM 2 LIVE BLOG

3:33: More than five mins into the game at this point. This is my first post since before my vacation. I'm probably as tentative writing this as Dany Sabourin is waiting on the pine.

3:37: Halfway through the 1st PD and we have the 2nd penalty of the game, 1st against the Caps. You can imagine my disbelief, that one of the Caps exquisite defensemen (Mike Green) made in fact a poor play, leading to a hooking penalty.

3:40: Ladies and gents, the gang is back - Backstrom is back on line w/ Ovechkin. If Dale Hunter pulls the trigger and lines them up w/ Semin at some point, I'm gonna ask for them to cue the NWO music.

3:42: BTW, that line just generated another penalty against the Bruins with 7 mins to play in the first. I'm trying to temper myself.

3:43: Really not fair to be facing a guy that's basically Dirk Nowitzki on skates ... who also happens hold a howitzer for a slapshot (i.e. Chara). Gonna be interesting if Dale can match the lines and get Ovie on against the other lines. Anyway, power play ends w/o a strike.

3:49: Replays of Gm 1 and Chris Kelly's game winner on Thursday. A quick reminder of Braden Holtby's biggest strength and greatest weakness as the Caps' netminder: Way too overaggressive in the 1-on-1. As my buddy Ice noted the other night, he was WAY out of net to challenge Kelly on the breakaway. Left a lot of net open. Something to watch.

3:52: Under 2 mins to play in the PD. BTW, I probably would have started in time for the puck drop but I had to fry an egg. Not to get into too much detail but I'm basically eating the equivalent of five crackers and rabbit food each day, so every meal counts. A lot. I'll try not to pass out before the end of the game.

3:55: Scoreless after one. Shots even between the teams, and some solid scoring opportunities for both. I'm going to stop staring at this apple.

4:00: Good points by Mike Milbury re. the Caps' 2nd power play. He's still an asshole.

4:13: Onto the second period. Second line is out to start the period. An apple to keep me upright.

4:14: Ovechkin w/ a nice chance on a Bruins' turnover in their defensive zone. Bruins return the favor w/ a flurry on the other end. Brad Marchand (your favorite Beantown midget) camped out in front and drew a crosscheck from Hamrlik. Refs don't buy Roman's argument that, 'he's an asshole, he started it'. Two minutes for the Caps to kill.

4:19: A few close calls but Caps escape the minor penalty unscathed.

4:22: Stop in play after the Bruins are called for icing w/ just over 13 mins to play in PD 2. Before that, a brief sighting of the artist formerly known as Alex Semin. He of course was replaced by his equally well known counterpart: Playoff Semin.

4:24: Still no score. A glance at Jeff Schultz, after he was nearly decapitated earlier in the period. Apparently his best defense is his face. Either way, it was his best defensive play all year.

4:27: I should be more sympathetic to athletes of 'limited stature'. But unfortunately, Brad Marchand plays for Boston. As such, I'm hoping someone mistakes him for the puck and flings him into the netting.

4:30: Halfway point of the game. Bruins snap off a shot, while Holtby does his best impression of a wall. Impressive doesn't do him justice through the first five periods of this series.

4:33: As if on cue, Marchand launches himself and his stick into John Carlsson's face. Two minutes for Mini-Me as the Caps go on the PP.

4:34: Ovie is tripped coming across the blue line. Incredulous.

4:35: Good passing along the perimeter by the Caps and a few good shots but no dice. Greenie looking more and more like himself, esp. on the PP. The republic is pleased.

4:41: CAPS SCORE. Great pass in front by Ovechkin under duress. Brouwer does the rest banging it in on the second try. 1-0 Cappers.

4:48: Through two, Caps lead 1-0. CASHEWS AND WATER TIME!

5:03: Still intermission. And cashews are still delicious.

5:05: Third period underway. Side note: It's a really nice day out. Fat chance I get back out there to enjoy it. I hate allergies.

5:08: Few shots through four minutes. Pretty physical game as Ovie lines up a Bruin in open ice. There will be blood.

5:10: A flurry in front of the Caps' net. Shots still pretty even but Boston spending a lot of time in the offensive zone.

5:12: Thirteen minutes to play and the zebras swallow their whistle as Semin got clipped moving into the offensive zone. Meanwhile, Marchand continues agitating. If he's not pissing off the Caps, he's pissing me off.

5:15: Speaking of Marchand, haven't seen a more irritating pre-pubescent runt since King Joffrey on Game of Thrones.

5:19: A ho-hum opportunity for the NWO line (i.e. Ovie/Backstrom/Semin). Bad pass by Backstrom, equally bad pass by Ovie on a timing play. Bruins clear. Bleh.

5:20: Stop in play and it's commercial time. ESPN's Michelle Beadle pops up in this Bridgestone ad. She's a sports fan, and she watches wrestling. Heart be still

5:23: Bad sequence. Holtby again gets beat coming way out of net to address the puck and got hammered in the process. Tied at 1. Distraught.

5:26: Just under six mins to play. Pretty consistent theme this year, as the Caps sat back trying to protect their lead, rather than extend it. The defense hasn't improved enough where they can rely on the D to salt the game away. I need an adult beverage.

5:32: No one loses an edge or misses a 'gimme' pass like Dennis Wideman.

5:34: Less than two to play. Boston trying to send a message, roughing up Backstrom in front of the Boston net. I'm expecting some measure of a response when this series comes to DC.

5:37: Seconds tick off, no game-winning tally in the 3rd. Extra hockey. Go time.

5:53: Bruins win the faceoff to start OT and already Holtby has made two stops in the extra frame. Semin gets a chance himself but fires wide. I'm having palpitations.

5:59: Five minutes gone in OT and the Bruins are turning up the pressure. Oddly enough, Semin has been all over the ice on D. Playoff Semin seems to be out having a smoke.

6:02: Lots of back and forth, you'd think they were playing 4 on 4. Anyone else's palms a little sweaty?

6:04: I might need a valium.

6:05: On a long pass, Aucoin had a chance to go 1 on 1 to win it for the Caps and then ... lost an edge and fell down. Alcohol, stat.

6:08: Fresh ice as we're through 10 mins in the extra frame. Thirty seconds later, Beagle puts a silly one on net that Thomas gloves with little fanfare. Speaking of Tim Thomas, I hate his Freddy Mercury mustache. YOU'RE NOT FREDDY, TIMMY.

6:13: FUUUUUUUUURIOUS activity in front of the Boston net. Beagle is stopped, loose puck, Alzner fires one off that Thomas nabs out of the air. Meanwhile, I'm blasting "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen.

6:17: This is easily the most I've seen of Jay Beagle all season. Glad I will have something else to remember him by, other than getting decked by Aaron Asham at the start of the season.

6:22: This is an amazing game BTW. Staring double OT in the face right now.

6:23: I hate the stress of sports. Four periods away, still notched at 1. Pizza sounds amazing right now.

6:41: Second OT is going.

6:42: SECOND OT IS OVER. Backstrom with an ABSOLUTE RIP to beat Thomas stick side. 2-1 FINALMENTE. Caps win.

DONE. DEAL.

Disclaimer: There may be some typos in this post. I'm writing from my iPhone which should give you an idea of the urgency with which I'm writing. But this must be said. Onward and upward.

Ok the one Friday night I hit the sack early and THIS happens?!

Unless you're living under a rock, you know the Redskins engineered a trade for the Rams' #2 overall pick in the draft and in doing so, pulled off the coup of all coups this offseason. It's not often that happens before we hit free agency but already the city and the sports world alike are abuzz. (I know this because my future brother in law fired off a giddy 4AM text.)

Now It could've been the rumor that Peyton Manning wasn't interested in coming to DC. It could've been Cleveland's posturing towards a potential trade with St. Louis. I don't know what spurred the Redskins to action. Whatever it was, I don't care.  To quote my brother (who I think was quoting George W Bush), "ladies and gentlemen, we got him."  The Redskins pulled the trigger on a blockbuster trade aimed at answering their quarterbacking woes for the next decade. And unless videos surface of Andrew Luck injecting small kids with heroin, the Colts will take him at 1, leaving the Redskins poised to take Baylor QB and Heisman trophy winner, Robert Griffin III. Make no mistake about it, this was the move.

Yes, the price was steep but keep in mind this is the first trade of picks with the new collective bargaining agreement in place. Under the new CBA and the rookie wage scale, top draft picks are worth now more than ever before. Under the old system it would've been easy to write this deal off based on sticker shock alone. But this is a whole new ball game. Griffin makes this an easy deal to assess if he pans out. But make no mistake, this will not be the last trade of its kind.

And for the record, the hysteria about this trade costing the Redskins three first rounders is absurd. Let's be clear: This is a swap of first rounders this year. The actual cost to the Redskins?  Two future firsts and a second this year. That's still a lot, and it may be semantics but it gives this deal a little better perspective. Again, it's easy to go nuts with the headline stuff but digging a little deeper makes us all a little smarter in the end.

I guess it's pretty obvious where I fall on this trade. But for years the Redskins have squandered both money and draft picks on a litany of ill-advised deals, mostly aimed at winning short term battles. For once it seems the brain trust in Ashburn made a move to win the war.

Hit Me With it: TOP CHEF FINALE LIVE BLOG

1000: Just before the finale starts, we get ... a cryptic commercial for a program called 'Around the World in 80 Plates.' Color me intrigued.

1004: As the defeated chefs battle to serve as sous chefs to the finalists ... we have a Grayson sighting. I could probably log off now.

1006: Sarah nabs Nyesha as one of her sous, which prompts her to mention her skills as a saucier. Suddenly, I'm reminded of that scene from 'Tropic Thunder' where Robert Downey talks about being a 'saucier in San Anton'.

1010: "I'm not letting you butcher." - Sarah to Tyler, the first and most infamous eliminated chef this season, who also just happens to be one of her sous chefs. I'm really LOL-ing at this.

1012: Commercial time. BTW, thanks in large part to the unseasonably warm DC weather, I'm getting an early dose of allergies, which is completely wiping me out. So to fuel me through this episode, this post is brought to you by Coke Zero. A really small can though (see left).

1019: As the chefs prep for service, Tyler frantically begs for guidance. Reminds me of another movie, in this case, 'Waiting', when the gals are telling Calvin to not be a pussy. [/imdb]

1024: Commercial time. Are we really two thirds of the way through this episode? Already?

1025: Plug for 'Million Dollar Listing New York'. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I really miss the original 'Million Dollar Listing'. Coiffed douche bags and overpriced real estate. Classic.

1027: Back in the kitchen, Paul takes the first speed bump (funky crab) and plows through it. The backup prawns get pulled in and he doesn't miss a beat. So far.

1029: As the judges get seated in Paul's restaurant, we get two notable items from the judge's table: the phrase 'Top Chef Canada' and the host of 'Around the World in 80 Plates', Kat Cora.

1031: Mid-meal, Paul is greeted by his girlfriend and family. He don't look filipino but that was for damnsure a filipino accent.

1032: I just want to go on record as saying this doesn't feel like a finale. Just ... doesn't.

1033: In Sarah's kitchen, we hear the phrase, 'nutty consistency'. Just for kicks, if you ever watch Bizarre Foods, grab a beer, and drink every time he says, 'nutty'. Leave me a comment when you wake up the next day w/ your clothes still on.

1037: Commercial time. The Bud Platinum commercial hits. Can I say I'm a huge fan of the use of Kanye for this spot? Brilliant stuff.

1039: Back from the break ... and Sarah's crying again. Not gonna be too sexist. I'll just say I'm over it.

1041: Crisis # 2 for Paul, as the prawns in his apps end up overcooked. In Sarah's kitchen, she dodges a pinbone bullet w/ her fish. Meanwhile, I'm considering lesbianism as I glare at Kat Cora.

1044: Not to play on any stereotypes, but I'm certain the owner of Terlato wines has buried a stool pigeon or two in his lifetime.

1045: "I feel pretty good ... for the first time here." Paul, of his performance in the finale. Not sure if that's a good omen.

1046: At judges' table, we got mention of Sarah's sweetbread dish. Quick mention of the only time I had sweetbreads. I had it at Volt w/ my fiance for our five year anniversary. I ordered it w/o telling her what it was. Once she found out what it was ... well, let's just say she hasn't totally forgiven me yet.

1050: Nothing against Hugh Acheson, who's been perfectly fine in his role as the fourth judge this season. But I just miss Anthony Bourdain.

1051: Ugh. A 'Watch What Happens Live' plug and looking at Sarah's smiling face, I'm not too keen on Paul's chances of pulling this out. Excuse me as I ready that bottle of wine.

1058: Second commercial I've seen for 'Shahs of Sunset'. Aside from Top Chef, I think every other show on Bravo makes me want to go jogging ... into traffic.

1059: All the eliminated chefs looking on. Nice touch to build the dramedy.

1100: THANK GOD.

1101: MOTHER OF GOD, THANK YOU.

 1102: A THOUSAND TIMES, THANK YOU. Paul takes the crown, and Sarah does a teary eyed face palm (metaphorically speaking). Elsewhere, Bev is clicking her tiny heels together, as she skips down the street. Not sure I can conjure another coherent thought tonight so on that note, I will see you guys next week for the reunion episode. Auf wiedersehen!

SWITCH!: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1008: Opening the show with a Quickfire Challenge in ... Chinatown (Vancouver to be exact). Three Asian chefs in the top five. It's like the producers started this season by saying, "This year ... LET'S GO ASIAN!"

1014: Interesting Quickfire. Contestants and Top Chef masters taking turns working on the same dishes. For the record, THIS is more like it. I know we usually get the celebrity guest chefs involved at this point in the season. But with all the extreme challenges this season, I'm just glad they went back to something that works.

1016: Emeril - "The Chinese sausage was just a little overpowering." (That's what she said.)

1017: Paul stumbles out of the gate, while Sarah meanders a curry dish into a $20,000 quickfire win. It's worth noting that at about 9:59, I told my fiance that Paul was probably gonna eat it just short of the end, clearing the way for Sarah and Lindsay in the final. Or what I would to call ... "The Most Irritating Finale of All Time." Save us, Paul. Prove me wrong.

1022: For the elimination challenge, Lindsay goes back to the halibut, hearkening back to Restaurant Wars when Bev 'lost it' for ol' Linds. I don't get it. Bev's gone. For a second time. Yet the yentering about her persists.

1025: Commercial time. Larry the Cable Guy pushing heartburn meds. This makes sense.

1027: As the chefs begin to prep for the elimination challenge, we see Paul ripping a bucket full of lobsters in half with his bare hands. Meanwhile, I take house spiders out of the house and gently place them on the deck so as not to hurt them. When I grow up, I'm gonna be a chef.

1034: As usual, Paul is nervous about his dish. If this season has taught us anything, a nervous Paul is a recipe for win. Might need to change my vote.

1040: Commercial time. Looks like Bravo's got a new show to push! Follow along with me. See if you can find a theme ...

Affluent housewives. Ghetto, affluent housewives. Realtors to the affluent. Matchmakers to the affluent. Affluent Arabs. I think Bravo caters to affluent. I think.

1045: Challenge is complete and the chefs are at judges table. I had some additional thoughts on who I figured might be going home. Then Sarah started explaining why she deserves to be in the finale and all I could think about was hitting myself with a meat tenderizer.

1048: Commercial time. Plug for 'Watch What Happens Live'. Obviously I like talking about Top Chef. That said, Andy Cohen could be talking Top Chef ... or Kate Upton having a wardrobe malfunction on my doorstep and you still couldn't pay me enough to watch that show.

1054: Quick check on the Cheftestants. I can't believe I haven't mentioned anything about Paul's 3rd grade, Asian kid comb over. In terms of Asian hairdos, I have Paul's look running a close second to Jeremy Lin's 5th grade, center-cut fro. (Bet you didn't think you'd get a JLin reference here did ya?)

1058: Despite my moment of weakness, I'm sticking with my prediction that Paul comes up short.

1059: CURVEBALL! Padma sends Sarah ... to the finale. Saucy minx. Well played.

1100: Aaaaand the nervous nellie worries himself to victory (again). Paul takes the win and the other slot in the finale. Lindsay takes the halibut train outta dodge. Yes, that means I was wrong; however, I'll take responsibility for betting against Paul. If you weren't already aware, I wager about as well as I can dunk. So for any Paul fans, you could say I did you a favor. You're welcome.

1105: Was writing something and I lingered on Bravo too long. Caught the opening of 'Watch What Happens Live' and I nearly blacked out. Anywho, bit of a ho-hum elimination challenge after a fun opening quickfire. I guess you could say the last couple finales have really ruined me going forward, especially the All-Stars finale with Antonia, Mike Isabella, and Richard Blais. Those three seemed to raise the bar and by comparison, this season doesn't come close. Hopefully Sarah and Paul step up with the title on the line.

1111: Punching out, looking forward to next week. Til then, stay thirsty, friends.

Two Outta Four: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1006: Okay, so two of the final four chefs are Asian. Maybe not the two I had anticipated but ... I'll deal.

1007: I'm not sure what it is about being on Top Chef but for some reason, when it gets to four, regardless of the season, the chefs feel compelled to come back with new haircuts.

1010: So the quickfire challenge has our final four cooking ... wait for it ... on ski lifts mountain side gondolas in Whistler. I'm not sure what the ratings have been like this year but these 'extreme' cooking challenges have been way too frequent and nigh unwatchable. Not a fan to say the least. Here's hoping they straighten up their act and get back to actual cooking next season.

1015: It's been 15 minutes and ... Beverly's already annoying while Lindsey screwed the pooch on her dish. Shocker ... ?

1018: Whatever, Lindsey. Enjoy failure in the finale.

1019: A zillion barbeque challenges, countless extreme challenges, free passes to the final two rounds ...  this season has completely confounded me.

1021: Sarah - "Beverly ... is the silent horse." Riiiiiight.

1024: I had a coherent thought two seconds ago ... then the fiance started playing 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now' by Starship. Where am I? What's happening?

1025: Food in ice blocks. Keep on pushing it, a**holes. 

1027: Watching the contestants wail away at the ice blocks reminds me of my childhood ... wailing away at ice blocks, working in a hot dog truck in DC. FYI, Asian parents don't understand the phrase 'child labor laws.'

1032:  You have to love the karma. Paul helps his fellow contestants, takes down the second quickfire and the second seat in the finale. Meanwhile, Sarah is already lining up therapists, in the event she screws the pooch against Bev. Love it.

1038: And for the final challenge? A biathlon.  I want jump off my balcony into a cauldron of scalding hot split pea soup.

1045: If nothing else, the look of absolute anguish on Sarah's face throughout this ep has been worth the price of admission.

1049: Judges' table, deliberation time as we go to commercial. Bravo once again shoves 'Watch What Happens Live' down our throats and adds the ghoulish grill of Lil' Kim into the mix for good measure. I will never watch that 'show'. (And I may not sleep tonight.)

1054: More commercials. I'm sure Ellen Degeneres uses a ton of the stuff but I'm not getting her as a L'Oreal pitch person. Old Navy, Toyota Prius? Maybe. Make-up? Not so much. Stick with Sofia Vergara, thanks.

1057: Moment of truth ... and all I can fixate on is Padma's yellow shirt.

1058: Ugh. Sarah moves on and ups the annoying quotient for the finale.

1101: Wait, what? That was just the semifinal round? A one-on-one finale? What in the crikey hell is going on?

1103: Just a quick word to close this post. I know I've said it ad nauseum but this season has really been a dud. Again, totally flying blind on this season's ratings but I do know the past few seasons have seen a dip in viewership so I can understand a few tweaks. That said, the need to keep things interesting  shouldn't come at the expense of the show's integrity. And I'll leave it at that.

Thanks for playing, kids. Good times watching and writing. I say good day.