Hit Me With it: TOP CHEF FINALE LIVE BLOG

1000: Just before the finale starts, we get ... a cryptic commercial for a program called 'Around the World in 80 Plates.' Color me intrigued.

1004: As the defeated chefs battle to serve as sous chefs to the finalists ... we have a Grayson sighting. I could probably log off now.

1006: Sarah nabs Nyesha as one of her sous, which prompts her to mention her skills as a saucier. Suddenly, I'm reminded of that scene from 'Tropic Thunder' where Robert Downey talks about being a 'saucier in San Anton'.

1010: "I'm not letting you butcher." - Sarah to Tyler, the first and most infamous eliminated chef this season, who also just happens to be one of her sous chefs. I'm really LOL-ing at this.

1012: Commercial time. BTW, thanks in large part to the unseasonably warm DC weather, I'm getting an early dose of allergies, which is completely wiping me out. So to fuel me through this episode, this post is brought to you by Coke Zero. A really small can though (see left).

1019: As the chefs prep for service, Tyler frantically begs for guidance. Reminds me of another movie, in this case, 'Waiting', when the gals are telling Calvin to not be a pussy. [/imdb]

1024: Commercial time. Are we really two thirds of the way through this episode? Already?

1025: Plug for 'Million Dollar Listing New York'. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I really miss the original 'Million Dollar Listing'. Coiffed douche bags and overpriced real estate. Classic.

1027: Back in the kitchen, Paul takes the first speed bump (funky crab) and plows through it. The backup prawns get pulled in and he doesn't miss a beat. So far.

1029: As the judges get seated in Paul's restaurant, we get two notable items from the judge's table: the phrase 'Top Chef Canada' and the host of 'Around the World in 80 Plates', Kat Cora.

1031: Mid-meal, Paul is greeted by his girlfriend and family. He don't look filipino but that was for damnsure a filipino accent.

1032: I just want to go on record as saying this doesn't feel like a finale. Just ... doesn't.

1033: In Sarah's kitchen, we hear the phrase, 'nutty consistency'. Just for kicks, if you ever watch Bizarre Foods, grab a beer, and drink every time he says, 'nutty'. Leave me a comment when you wake up the next day w/ your clothes still on.

1037: Commercial time. The Bud Platinum commercial hits. Can I say I'm a huge fan of the use of Kanye for this spot? Brilliant stuff.

1039: Back from the break ... and Sarah's crying again. Not gonna be too sexist. I'll just say I'm over it.

1041: Crisis # 2 for Paul, as the prawns in his apps end up overcooked. In Sarah's kitchen, she dodges a pinbone bullet w/ her fish. Meanwhile, I'm considering lesbianism as I glare at Kat Cora.

1044: Not to play on any stereotypes, but I'm certain the owner of Terlato wines has buried a stool pigeon or two in his lifetime.

1045: "I feel pretty good ... for the first time here." Paul, of his performance in the finale. Not sure if that's a good omen.

1046: At judges' table, we got mention of Sarah's sweetbread dish. Quick mention of the only time I had sweetbreads. I had it at Volt w/ my fiance for our five year anniversary. I ordered it w/o telling her what it was. Once she found out what it was ... well, let's just say she hasn't totally forgiven me yet.

1050: Nothing against Hugh Acheson, who's been perfectly fine in his role as the fourth judge this season. But I just miss Anthony Bourdain.

1051: Ugh. A 'Watch What Happens Live' plug and looking at Sarah's smiling face, I'm not too keen on Paul's chances of pulling this out. Excuse me as I ready that bottle of wine.

1058: Second commercial I've seen for 'Shahs of Sunset'. Aside from Top Chef, I think every other show on Bravo makes me want to go jogging ... into traffic.

1059: All the eliminated chefs looking on. Nice touch to build the dramedy.

1100: THANK GOD.

1101: MOTHER OF GOD, THANK YOU.

 1102: A THOUSAND TIMES, THANK YOU. Paul takes the crown, and Sarah does a teary eyed face palm (metaphorically speaking). Elsewhere, Bev is clicking her tiny heels together, as she skips down the street. Not sure I can conjure another coherent thought tonight so on that note, I will see you guys next week for the reunion episode. Auf wiedersehen!

SWITCH!: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1008: Opening the show with a Quickfire Challenge in ... Chinatown (Vancouver to be exact). Three Asian chefs in the top five. It's like the producers started this season by saying, "This year ... LET'S GO ASIAN!"

1014: Interesting Quickfire. Contestants and Top Chef masters taking turns working on the same dishes. For the record, THIS is more like it. I know we usually get the celebrity guest chefs involved at this point in the season. But with all the extreme challenges this season, I'm just glad they went back to something that works.

1016: Emeril - "The Chinese sausage was just a little overpowering." (That's what she said.)

1017: Paul stumbles out of the gate, while Sarah meanders a curry dish into a $20,000 quickfire win. It's worth noting that at about 9:59, I told my fiance that Paul was probably gonna eat it just short of the end, clearing the way for Sarah and Lindsay in the final. Or what I would to call ... "The Most Irritating Finale of All Time." Save us, Paul. Prove me wrong.

1022: For the elimination challenge, Lindsay goes back to the halibut, hearkening back to Restaurant Wars when Bev 'lost it' for ol' Linds. I don't get it. Bev's gone. For a second time. Yet the yentering about her persists.

1025: Commercial time. Larry the Cable Guy pushing heartburn meds. This makes sense.

1027: As the chefs begin to prep for the elimination challenge, we see Paul ripping a bucket full of lobsters in half with his bare hands. Meanwhile, I take house spiders out of the house and gently place them on the deck so as not to hurt them. When I grow up, I'm gonna be a chef.

1034: As usual, Paul is nervous about his dish. If this season has taught us anything, a nervous Paul is a recipe for win. Might need to change my vote.

1040: Commercial time. Looks like Bravo's got a new show to push! Follow along with me. See if you can find a theme ...

Affluent housewives. Ghetto, affluent housewives. Realtors to the affluent. Matchmakers to the affluent. Affluent Arabs. I think Bravo caters to affluent. I think.

1045: Challenge is complete and the chefs are at judges table. I had some additional thoughts on who I figured might be going home. Then Sarah started explaining why she deserves to be in the finale and all I could think about was hitting myself with a meat tenderizer.

1048: Commercial time. Plug for 'Watch What Happens Live'. Obviously I like talking about Top Chef. That said, Andy Cohen could be talking Top Chef ... or Kate Upton having a wardrobe malfunction on my doorstep and you still couldn't pay me enough to watch that show.

1054: Quick check on the Cheftestants. I can't believe I haven't mentioned anything about Paul's 3rd grade, Asian kid comb over. In terms of Asian hairdos, I have Paul's look running a close second to Jeremy Lin's 5th grade, center-cut fro. (Bet you didn't think you'd get a JLin reference here did ya?)

1058: Despite my moment of weakness, I'm sticking with my prediction that Paul comes up short.

1059: CURVEBALL! Padma sends Sarah ... to the finale. Saucy minx. Well played.

1100: Aaaaand the nervous nellie worries himself to victory (again). Paul takes the win and the other slot in the finale. Lindsay takes the halibut train outta dodge. Yes, that means I was wrong; however, I'll take responsibility for betting against Paul. If you weren't already aware, I wager about as well as I can dunk. So for any Paul fans, you could say I did you a favor. You're welcome.

1105: Was writing something and I lingered on Bravo too long. Caught the opening of 'Watch What Happens Live' and I nearly blacked out. Anywho, bit of a ho-hum elimination challenge after a fun opening quickfire. I guess you could say the last couple finales have really ruined me going forward, especially the All-Stars finale with Antonia, Mike Isabella, and Richard Blais. Those three seemed to raise the bar and by comparison, this season doesn't come close. Hopefully Sarah and Paul step up with the title on the line.

1111: Punching out, looking forward to next week. Til then, stay thirsty, friends.

Two Outta Four: TOP CHEF LIVE BLOG

1006: Okay, so two of the final four chefs are Asian. Maybe not the two I had anticipated but ... I'll deal.

1007: I'm not sure what it is about being on Top Chef but for some reason, when it gets to four, regardless of the season, the chefs feel compelled to come back with new haircuts.

1010: So the quickfire challenge has our final four cooking ... wait for it ... on ski lifts mountain side gondolas in Whistler. I'm not sure what the ratings have been like this year but these 'extreme' cooking challenges have been way too frequent and nigh unwatchable. Not a fan to say the least. Here's hoping they straighten up their act and get back to actual cooking next season.

1015: It's been 15 minutes and ... Beverly's already annoying while Lindsey screwed the pooch on her dish. Shocker ... ?

1018: Whatever, Lindsey. Enjoy failure in the finale.

1019: A zillion barbeque challenges, countless extreme challenges, free passes to the final two rounds ...  this season has completely confounded me.

1021: Sarah - "Beverly ... is the silent horse." Riiiiiight.

1024: I had a coherent thought two seconds ago ... then the fiance started playing 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now' by Starship. Where am I? What's happening?

1025: Food in ice blocks. Keep on pushing it, a**holes. 

1027: Watching the contestants wail away at the ice blocks reminds me of my childhood ... wailing away at ice blocks, working in a hot dog truck in DC. FYI, Asian parents don't understand the phrase 'child labor laws.'

1032:  You have to love the karma. Paul helps his fellow contestants, takes down the second quickfire and the second seat in the finale. Meanwhile, Sarah is already lining up therapists, in the event she screws the pooch against Bev. Love it.

1038: And for the final challenge? A biathlon.  I want jump off my balcony into a cauldron of scalding hot split pea soup.

1045: If nothing else, the look of absolute anguish on Sarah's face throughout this ep has been worth the price of admission.

1049: Judges' table, deliberation time as we go to commercial. Bravo once again shoves 'Watch What Happens Live' down our throats and adds the ghoulish grill of Lil' Kim into the mix for good measure. I will never watch that 'show'. (And I may not sleep tonight.)

1054: More commercials. I'm sure Ellen Degeneres uses a ton of the stuff but I'm not getting her as a L'Oreal pitch person. Old Navy, Toyota Prius? Maybe. Make-up? Not so much. Stick with Sofia Vergara, thanks.

1057: Moment of truth ... and all I can fixate on is Padma's yellow shirt.

1058: Ugh. Sarah moves on and ups the annoying quotient for the finale.

1101: Wait, what? That was just the semifinal round? A one-on-one finale? What in the crikey hell is going on?

1103: Just a quick word to close this post. I know I've said it ad nauseum but this season has really been a dud. Again, totally flying blind on this season's ratings but I do know the past few seasons have seen a dip in viewership so I can understand a few tweaks. That said, the need to keep things interesting  shouldn't come at the expense of the show's integrity. And I'll leave it at that.

Thanks for playing, kids. Good times watching and writing. I say good day.

Where's That Chowder Place?

I meant to post while on the road for work in Seattle but truth be told, it's been a crazy couple of weeks.

Before I set out for the west coast, my brother mentioned a really good soup spot in downtown Seattle. I neglected to jot it down at the time but something reminded me of it midweek so I decided to text him to get the name. However, instead of texting, he responded with a call. When I saw his name crop up on the phone, I just figured he was REALLY excited about the joint.

Then the conversation went like this ... 

Me. Hey. 
Bro: Hey.
Me. What's up?
Bro: The soup place is Pike Place Chowder.
Me. Sweet. Thanks.
Bro: Oh BTW, I'm at the hospital.  Dad collapsed, maybe passed out. Doctors are checking to see if he might've had a stroke.
Me. ... Oh.

From there, things got a little hazy. Suffice it to say, soup was on the back burner after that.

Two days and a steady stream of updates later, it turned out that dad did indeed have a stroke, albeit a minor one. Luckily, he wasn't alone, and the stroke occurred in a part of his brain that did NOT impair his motor function or his speech. After a battery of tests, and a couple nights of awful hospital food, dad was discharged and sent home. Although it's still early, the 'old man' looks to be on the mend.

This wasn't exactly what I envisioned for my post-Seattle entry but life has an odd way of dictating the stories you tell. In any event, I promise a return to form tomorrow, as Top Chef goes into final four mode, which of course means ... live blog mode. For now, I say adieu.